The Silent
by Violet Wings
Summary: Seto was just about to admit his feelings in the hopes of getting rid of his depression when he realizes it's sometimes better to be silent than try something that seems impossible.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Note: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh whatsoever. There will probably be a few bands mentioned throughout this fanfic since music is important to me and I want to incorporate that into the fanfic (doesn't mean it will be songfic after songfic), so I do not own any of the bands mentioned.**_

_Chapter 1 - Can I?_

_The wind blew my hair this way and that, and as I stopped at the red light in front of me, I quickly took out my black helmet and secured it onto my head. The light soon changed to green, and I revved the motorcycle engine before speeding forward, knowing exactly where I was going. I had traveled this route multiple times, for it was not only a deserted route, but it contained very few twists and turns, making it easier for me to drive on. My mind always wondered when I traveled on this road anyway, and it allowed me to think what was on my mind rather than focus 110 on the road. Dangerous, I know, but I survived._

_Soon I was on a straight road against the cliff overlooking the sea, and the sight nearly took my breath away, as it always did. The sun was setting just above the sea, and the beach was a light orange color, the sea glowing brightly. It was truly a magnificent sight. I turned off the road and down the cliff, noting gratefully that no one was here. There was usually a couple walking around or a lonely man wandering about, but not today. No, I would have the entire place to myself today._

_I found a parking spot and quickly parked the black motorcycle, taking my helmet off and placing it in the compartment in the back. I then walked onto the beach, hearing the sand crunch beneath my boots. I never wore proper attire when visiting this place, but I didn't care. This is where I came to be myself, to not be judged by my appearance, my reputation, or my work. I didn't care when I came to this spot if I didn't seem to be cold and uncaring. I didn't care if others saw me here alone, just enjoying what little life had to offer. I just...didn't care...and that kind of time in my life was worth absolutely everything._

_I slowly sat down on the sand, my trenchcoat spreading out behind me, and closed my eyes, smelling the air coming from the sea. A small smile graced my lips, but I quickly wiped it off. There was nothing to smile about right now. I came here to think, not to just sit and stare at the sea, even if it was worthy of my attention. No, I had to come up with a plan to deal with somebody._

_And that somebody was Joey Wheeler._

_It was two years after I had graduated; one year after Joey had. I knew Joey was working at some video game shop, and I had decided enough was enough with our constant bickering. Swallowing my pride on the last day of school, I confronted Joey about our past and how I wanted to put it aside. I didn't tell him why, but I asked if we could talk sometime in the near future, just to stay in touch. He seemed reluctant at first, but we shook hands on the deal and traded phone numbers. A week later, I received a call from him asking if I wanted to hang out with him at the gaming shop. There was a backroom where they played the games when they first arrived at the store, and he asked if I wanted to join in. I accepted the offer. It was another two weeks before we considered each other good friends._

_But he never found out the reason I had asked him to set aside our differences in the first place. The reason? I loved him. It took several years for me to admit to myself I loved the dog, but I did. I just couldn't admit it to him. Ever. So why not be friends? Just to keep him close by..._

_I never expected my emotions to spiral out of control like they did. And those emotions led me here, to where I was sitting, actually considering doing the impossible._

_I was considering asking Joey Wheeler to be my boyfriend._

_I never thought love could be so difficult. Making a computer was at least 100x easier than this. How could I be able to run a multi-billion dollar corporation and be a father to my little brother Mokuba but not be able to admit my love to somebody? A big part of that was the fear of being rejected, but I knew there was something else in the back of my mind._

_I am extremely harsh on myself thanks to Gozaburo's tactics. I knew that if I was in a relationship, it would be a roller coaster to Hell for me. Every little mistake I would take too seriously; every little detail would have to be perfect. In a relationship, you have to be 100 sure of yourself and confident in yourself. I could fake it for a crowd, but not a lover._

_I think that's why I fell in love with Joey in the first place. He was the total opposite of me. He seemed so carefree and relaxed, always trying his hardest just to make it in life while enjoying it all the same. I had hoped that, by befriending him, some of that would rub off on me, but it hadn't. In fact, I had become worse._

_Would he even accept me was my question. I knew he was gay; he admitted the loss of his ex-boyfriend to me several months ago. But he knows how I am with things, and I don't think he would like that in his life. Still, the thought of being with him was all-too inviting, which led me to this deserted place to sit and think. I often came here to get away with my problems, but not this time. Now I came to think them through._

Beep...

_I had been thinking about it for God knows how long. The sun was still setting, but it had become quite a bit darker since my arrival. After thinking about all the actions I could take as well as the consequences, I figured enough was enough. I needed to change, and I knew Joey could help with just that. I was 20, for Christ sake, and I still wasn't happy in my life. If Joey could make me happier, I would give anything... But could I really ask him out?_

Beep...

_I stood up and smiled, knowing my course of action. Tomorrow I would go to the video game shop...or maybe call him up...and ask him to go out to eat with me. That kid loved to eat. I would ask him out while we were out and move on from there. A yes or no was better than nothing at all. I went to return to my motorcycle when I felt a sudden, rough shove. Stunned, I fell to the ground on my hands and knees._

Beep...

_I went to quickly stand up, as I was used to being attacked, when I saw the glint of a dagger in the man's hand in front of me. I panicked for a quick second and went to grab the dagger out of his hand, but I was too late. The dagger slashed at my throat, slightly cutting it open, but not enough to kill me. I choked and quickly pulled the guy over my body onto his back in front of me, taking the knife out of his hand and holding it. He grabbed my leg and pulled me to the ground, taking the knife back._

Beep...

_I felt the knife enter my arm and hissed in pain before punching the guy with my other arm square in the face. He fell back onto the sand, and I quickly got up and got the knife back in my possession. I ran up to him as he was trying to get up and stabbed him in the stomach. I couldn't recognize the man, for the sun had completely set by now, and the moon was late on its arrival time. All I could feel was the blood coming down my throat, and as I felt the wound, I realized that it was not life-threatening. It was merely a cut, but a cut across the neck was still slightly unnerving. I couldn't, however, feel my arm, and I saw that the black shirt I always wore with my white trenchcoat was soaked in blood._

Beep...

_Maybe it was then that I passed out...or maybe a little later?_

Beep...

_I couldn't get to my motorcycle, where my cell phone was...so where was I?_

Beep...

_And what's that–_

"Mr. Kaiba?" a male voice asked. I slowly opened my eyes to see a blurry image of a doctor along with an extremely bright light. "Phew, I'm glad you're awake, Mr. Kaiba. You're in a hospital. My name is Dr. Lugin."


	2. Chapter 2

_Chapter 2 - The Other Light_

I stared down at the bed, taking in the doctor's words and wondering what the hell I was going to do now. I couldn't believe he was still talking; I was only slightly paying attention to him as he went on and on about how it would heal within a day or so. But all I could think about now was that it would be one more day before I could voice my opinions, my thoughts...

My head shot up as I heard the door open to see Mokuba running toward me. He was a little older now, as he would be in high school next year, but he still had that same long, black, thick hair. He mostly wore t-shirts and jeans, but the kid was now in love with wearing two or three armbands with different band logos on them on each arm. I couldn't blame the kid and let him wear what he wanted to; it was, after all, my fault he got into the music he listened to.

"Seto!" he exclaimed, running up to me and wrapping his arms around my waist. Today he was wearing a green t-shirt and black jeans with black sneaks. I quickly counted three armbands on one arm and one on the other. "Oh my God, Seto! Are you okay?" Mokuba quickly looked over at the doctor, his face showing that he was beyond concerned.

"Your brother will be fine," the doctor stated, smiling down at my younger sibling. "His arm is healing nicely, but there is a problem with the cut on his throat..."

"What's that?" Mokuba asked when neither of us continued. I couldn't, but the doctor seemed to take the pause just to make the moment more dramatic. I considered it one of those 'dick moves.'

"He can't talk," the doctor slowly explained. Mokuba's eyes were as wide as plates as he slowly turned to face me. All I could do was hang my head, as if I should be ashamed of myself. Well, I actually did have a good reason to be. If I hadn't gone out alone, like Mokuba always told me not to, I wouldn't be in this position.

"He will be able to soon, however," the doctor quickly added, and I watched Mokuba's eyes shrink slightly. "In about a day or so he should be fine. I just don't want him talking right now, as it could hurt his throat even more. I don't even think he could right now since the damage is so fresh." Snapping a paper onto his clipboard, he smiled at us and said, "On that note, I'll leave you two alone for now."

I watched him walk out of the room, shutting the door behind him, before looking down at Mokuba. I could see the sadness in his eyes, and I frowned and looked the other way. I couldn't bear to see him sad over me. I never could...and I probably never will.

"At least you'll be alright tomorrow," Mokuba said reassuringly, bringing my attention back to him. He had a small smile on his face, making a small smile appear on mine. "I brought some stuff for you, by the way. When the doctors called, I knew you would be staying the night by the sound of things, so I thought I'd bring you a present." I watched as he pulled out my blue iPod along with his PSP and a few games out of his pocket, placing them on the bed in front of me. "I brought God of War, Final Fantasy VII, and Grand Theft Auto for you. I figured you could get started on at least one of them."

I went to chuckle but was surprised when not only did no sound come out, but my throat felt like it suddenly caught on fire. Mokuba frowned at this before letting out a sigh. I smiled and wrapped my arms around him, showing him that I was happy for what he did. He knew my passion for music matched his own (even if I didn't wear the proper attire). As for the PSP...he was always trying to prove how awesome of a handheld system it was. I never thought it was worth it, but maybe after five hours in a hospital room I'd give it the shot it deserved.

"I'll come visit you around lunchtime tomorrow," Mokuba continued as I let go of him after a moment of silence had passed. "Hopefully your voice will be back by then. If not, I'll just have to keep visiting you until you finally speak again!"

I shook my head and looked at my brother with admiration. The boy could always be optimistic about any situation, something that was far from my abilities. The other light in my life, besides Joey, was the little kid now sitting directly in front of me. Talk about polar opposites...but it worked out well for the both of us. I made Mokuba be serious about certain things, and he taught me to lighten up. We fed off of each other's strengths and weaknesses, and it worked.

"Oh..by the way..." Mokuba cleared his throat and looked down at the bed covers. "We found out who it was that attacked you." I glared slightly and watched him look up at me. He seemed to have gotten the hint to continue. "It was Clark Williams from the Advertising Department. They did an alcohol test on him, and he was extremely drunk to say the least. He said he did it because of the argument you two had the previous day and was pissed off. He admitted to doing it in his drunken stupor, so they're passing the trial and sending him straight to jail for a year."

I remembered the argument I had had with him and wasn't shocked in the least bit it was him. That man always had a temper anyway. But not another person from my company...I swore there was nobody out there who didn't want to kill me where I stood.

"I'll tell Stacy to handle KaibaCorp tomorrow, and I'll go over to help her out," Mokuba stated, smiling up at me once more. Stacy was my secretary, and she worked her ass off to make her worth her title. Sometimes I wondered if she was stricter about the rules of working than I was, and that was quite a feat. Putting her in charge of KaibaCorp was not as hard for me to do than I thought it would have been since I knew I could count on her. "I'll then call the doctors up and see how you're doing, but I'll come visit you whether you're any better or not. Does that sound good?"

I nodded my head and watched him get up to leave before turning around. "Oh, and I should warn you... Yugi and the gang know about the attack. Yugi was over playing video games when I got the call. So don't be surprised if you get a visit from them." Smiling playfully, Mokuba added, "Maybe Joey will come visit you?"

I smiled and waved good-bye to him, watching him leave the room. It became suddenly quiet, but all I could think about what the idea of Joey coming to visit tomorrow. The first thing I would say when I got my voice back was a thanks to Mokuba; the second would be my love for Joey. Mokuba always knew I had a crush on the blonde, and I thought he would throw a party when I finally admitted to being guilty.

But now was now, and I was extremely bored all of a sudden. Mokuba hadn't brought my laptop for me to work on KaibaCorp things, so I was stuck with my iPod and that damned PSP. Setting the games and system on the table, I put my headphones in and turned my iPod on to see the list of music appear. I smiled as I scrolled through the list, deciding to play London After Midnight. It was dark outside, hinting it was night, and I was slowly becoming tired. What better music to listen to as you're falling asleep than Goth?

Leaning back in the bed, I thought about how I would ask Joey out should my voice come back, hoping against hope he would embrace me and say yes. But as I slowly fell asleep, the music playing in the background, I began to think of another scenario. A much darker one...

One of Joey stating no.


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3 - Shouldn't Be Seen or Heard_

"_Dad, please stop!"_

"_Why, so you can continue to fail me? You need to understand your place, or lack thereof, in life!"_

"_But Dad, I–"_

"_Why are you calling me your father? I never call you 'Son'; you're not worthy of that kind of title yet!"_

"_Please, Dad, just–"_

"_What did I just say about that?! Can you hear as well as you can learn?"_

"_Stop! Please...just...I..."_

"_You what?"_

"_I...What do you want from me? I do everything you ask me to do to the best of my abilities! What else do you possibly want from me?"_

"_I want you to be silent and listen to me, you worthless boy! I don't understand how stupid you truly are sometimes! You need to learn the ways of owning a company, and yet you're still behind in your studies!"_

"_But I'm trying! I'm really, really trying!"_

"_That's not enough, you brat! Maybe if you worked harder in life, you would actually get somewhere!"_

"_Please stop! Just listen to me!"_

"_Listen to you? Why would I do something like that? You know nothing, and I have control over you. Do you like digging your own grave, boy?"_

"_Dad, let me explain! I–"_

"_THAT'S ENOUGH! I told you to keep your mouth shut and stop calling me 'Dad,' and what do you do? Continue! You expect me to let you run my company when you become older if you can't follow one simple command, you baffoon!"_

"_I'm not a..."_

"_Not a what? A stupid boy? A worthless fool? Ha, what a laugh! You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard, and I have to do both daily! This will teach you to disappoint me!"_

"_Gozaburo, please! I—"_

I bolted upright in bed, feeling cold sweat cover my entire body. I was shaking, unbearably shaking, and I could feel hot tears streaming down my face. Quickly wiping them away, I tried to gain back control of my body as best I could, but it wasn't working too well. I was glad it was night hours in the hospital; the nurse or doctor, if they would have seen me in this state, would have probably called Mokuba up immediately and checked me out. Mokuba knew what was wrong, but the doctors didn't need to. It was a personal problem, one I wasn't about to share with somebody who thought they knew better than me.

Leaning back in the bed, I closed my eyes and let out a heavy sigh as I tried to regulate my breathing once more. I had these nightmares every night...why wouldn't my body just get used to it? Why is it that I woke up in the same state from the same nightmare as I did years ago? Why couldn't I just wake up from it, think of it as usual business, and go back to sleep? No, neither my mind or my body would let me. It would wake me in the middle of night, sometimes screaming, sometimes crying, but altogether broken.

_You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard, and I have to do both daily!_

That single line...what horrors had occurred because of that phrase. Gozaburo Kaiba had literally beaten the outgoing part of my soul out of me, replaced with an expression of devoid emotion. I remembered him constantly telling me to be quiet, to never open my mouth again, that I should never have learned to speak in the first place. I don't know why he hated my voice so much, but he did and with a passion. But that one phrase...

_You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard..._

I opened my eyes and looked out the window before letting out another, softer sigh. That beating...that particular beating...it was what had destroyed my ability to speak to others, to have small talk, to just hold a conversation unless it was on business. Those simple few moments of my life had left me silent for two years before Gozaburo had to teach me to speak to business executives (and he only got me to speak after, ironically, beating me).

I pulled my knees up to my chest and leaned forward, laying my head down on my knees, closing my eyes and willing myself to forget it. I went to speak just to remind myself when I remembered the doctor saying it would be tomorrow that my voice returned to me. This helped a little, however, since the reason I 'lost' my voice years ago was out of depression rather than medical reasons. At least I knew tomorrow I could talk once more.

Yes, tomorrow I would speak. Talk to Mokuba...talk to Joey... My heart immediately stopped before returning to its beating, but my eyes shot open. I had completely forgotten about asking Joey out tomorrow. God, should I even do it now? I had been attacked _again_, and who knew how many others were involved in the plot? That would put Joey's life in danger. Even this state of mind was unhealthy. I hadn't dreamt of Gozaburo in maybe a day or so, figuring I was on a roll, when BAM! - the absolute _worst _nightmare came back and gripped at my soul.

What if he said no? I don't think my heart could quite honestly take it at this point. Remembering Gozaburo is one thing; being reminded that he was right is completely different. How many times had talking gotten me into trouble in the past, and now I was going to talk yet again tomorrow in the hopes of something new happening? But what if it didn't? What if I was denied something that I had dreamt about for months? Years? What if...what if Gozaburo was right?

_You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard..._

No, I had to stop thinking about it. Laying back down on the bed, I tried to fend off the different thoughts entering my head. It was now or never; if my voice returned to me tomorrow like the doctor promised, I would ask him out. If he said yes, I would be happy for at least one moment in my life. If not...

Closing my eyes, I thought, "_If not, I'll probably go back...and this time I'll stay that way._"


	4. Chapter 4

_Chapter 4 - Better This Way_

I slowly woke up to the sound of voices outside the room. Guessing from the light coming in through the window, it must've been later in the morning. I had to chuckle; usually when I woke up, the sun wasn't even thinking of getting up yet. But it came with the responsibility of owning a company: waking up early and staying up late. Of course I had taught my body to handle it in stride, but that didn't make it any less unhealthy. Now looking outside the window, I could feel the change of energy in my body. I felt like I had slept an entire day away instead of just gaining two or three more hours.

Wiping my eyes awake, I quickly whispered something and smiled. My voice was back. Sure it was a little raspy, but I didn't expect it to fully heal overnight like the doctors wanted me to believe. Now I could talk to Mokuba. Now I could talk to...

_You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard..._

No. I couldn't think about that now. Today was a new day. I shook my head to get the images out of my mind before opening my eyes back up. Gozaburo is not part of my life anymore. I kept thinking that over and over again, as if thinking it would make it real. I hated how he had carved the niche in my soul just for his soul to rot in. Shaking my head once more, I groaned and whispered, "No, he's gone. He's fucking gone, and he's never coming back."

I hated doing this so much to myself. I always let the past get in my way. I wanted to get away from it so badly, but it seemed like I couldn't. Every turn I made, there was that bastard sneering at me or talking down to me. I was literally like a broken child at age 20, wanting to get away from the past and move on with my life. And even though he was gone, he was still here, which hurt the most. I knew I could move on if I tried, but I could never figure out what it was that I needed to do. I never could...

"Hey guys," a sudden voice said, startling me. It was Mokuba! What was he doing here? Quickly looking up, I realized they were out in the hallway right outside my room. The door was slightly open; one of the nurses must have come in while I was sleeping and didn't shut the door properly. For once I was thankful for the lazy workers. But who was he talking to?

"It's no problem," a familiar voice replied, making me growl. Yugi. God, after how many years of being around them, Mokuba still wouldn't understand that the answer to their friendship was _no_. He invited them over often, or at least when they weren't working, and had them over for hours. Usually I would retreat to my office during that time period and ignore them, unless of course Joey tagged along. Then I would type on my laptop in the room they were playing in (the game room was always picked) and watch them in amusement. Mokuba knew of my crush and let it slide, but he never whispered it to a soul, which I was more than thankful for.

But now he had invited them for my speech recovery. Just great.

"Where's Tea?" Mokuba asked.

"She couldn't make it," Tristan explained. So Tristan was there too. Why would he show up? I never even acknowledged that guy once in my life, yet he showed up for my recovery? What the hell was wrong with these people? Didn't they have lives of their own to live? "Her and Serenity were doing this photoshoot together today. Tea asked if she wanted to be involved with one of them, and Serenity agreed to go today."

"How is Tea doing with her job?"

"Pretty good," Yugi stated. "So far she's been in a few magazines, and I think they're looking to book her permanently for awhile."

So Tea was a model now. Guess I'd have to watch out for her ads in magazines to burn. I chuckled at the thought.

"Where's Joey?" Mokuba asked after a brief pause. My head shot up like a bullet. _He had invited Joey_?

"I'm here!" I heard him exclaim through pants. It sounded like he was running. My answer came when I heard heavy footsteps stop outside my room. "Sorry guys, but I had to call Serenity up real quick. I forgot she needed a ride home, and if I'm here I can't give her one."

"I can go if you want me to," Tristan replied.

"I _know_ you'll go, Tristan," Joey stated in annoyance. "But Tea offered her a ride home, so no, your ride is not needed."

I chuckled and leaned back in my bed. At least this conversation was entertaining.

"So how's work with you going, Joey?" Yugi asked. "It's been awhile since we last talked."

"Yeah. I've been really busy lately at work. We've had nearly five new games come in, all big hits, so the store's been packed for days now. It's good business, but it's tiring as hell. Especially when they want those stupid strategy guides with the game. It's such a hassle to have to dig it out of the closet where we keep them."

"Why don't you just put them on display?"

"We did for awhile, but more than one guy was caught stealing 'em, so we took them off the shelves."

I smirked at the change in Joey's speech. Before he was just a mumbling dog, but I had heard from somebody (Yugi maybe) that he was going to a nearby college for video games, and they made him take his Japanese and English courses first to improve his speech. I think he wanted to market video games or create them, but either way he would have to speak often, and a Brooklyn accent doesn't work very well in marketing. He still used his accent from time to time, but he at least made proper sentences now.

"So why were you running down the hallway when you know we can't visit Kaiba for another half hour?" Tristan suddenly asked. I could hear the mischief in his voice and smirked.

"Maybe he was so excited to see Seto, he just had the urge to run his way here!" Mokuba exclaimed. I bit my bottom lip; Mokuba was going to pay for that comment, even if nobody knew what it meant to me.

"Yeah right," Joey stated. "Just keep telling yourself that, Mokuba."

"But you and Kaiba are good friends now, aren't you?" Tristan asked.

"Pretty much. He comes over to visit the store sometimes. I think he just likes hanging around with other people besides his co-workers and Mokuba...no offense."

"None taken," Mokuba assured him.

"How did you two become such good friends all of a sudden? I mean, you two were ready to kill each other at least a few times. How did you manage to put that aside?"

"I dunno. He just came up to me and sort of apologized, and ever since then we've been hanging out with each other. He's actually pretty cool, and I gotta give him credit. He's freakin' awesome at video games."

I chuckled and shook my head at his comment. Either I was, as he put it, 'freakin' awesome' at video games, or he sucked. I could never figure out which was the case.

"If you like him so much, why don't you ask him out?" Mokuba suddenly asked. I bolted upright in my bed at Mokuba's comment, my eyes wide. Nearly a million instances and remarks entered my head that he could say. I didn't even have to ask Joey how he felt; Mokuba was asking for me.

"Why would I ask him out?" Joey remarked. "We're just friends, Mokuba, nothing big like that."

"But you are gay, right Joey?" Tristan replied. "Yeah, I think you two would be funny as a couple."

"Just because I'm gay doesn't mean I'm interested in him, alright?" Joey argued.

"Yeah, well, if that's the case, why are your cheeks red?"

"Shut up, Tristan! It's nothing like that!"

"Suuuuure it isn't. You two just happen to suddenly hang out with one another for no apparent reason, and now you're defending him and saying how cool he is. Come on, Joey. How long was it since you had a boyfriend? Ask him out already!"

"For the last time, I'm not asking him out!" Joey was nearly yelling at this point. "He's just a friend, nothing more, and I never will ask him out! How about that, you moron?"

"Hey, that's enough," I heard a doctor say. Dr. Lugin. But the words began to blur together in my head as I slowly leaned back on the bed and stared down at the blankets.

_He's just a friend, nothing more, and I will never ask him out!_

Well if that didn't sound like a no, I didn't know what did. So that was it. He didn't like me in that fashion. And from the way he spoke, he probably never would. Once again I had been foolish. Once again I had thought of something that could never be.

_Do you like digging your own grave, boy?_

Maybe I did. Maybe my mind really knew how stupid I was and played tricks on me, making me think things like a relationship could happen in my life. I faced the window outside as I heard the doctor come in. "Ah, you're awake," he observed as he smiled and walked over to the machine, making sure I was okay. But I was far from such things.

God, what would have happened if I would've said anything? I would've humiliated myself beyond belief. How could I have been so stupid as to believe Joey would want to date me? How could I have been...

_Not a what? A stupid boy? A worthless fool?_

"How did you sleep last night, Mr. Kaiba?" the doctor asked, smiling down at me. I just continued staring, ignoring the old man. All I could think about was Joey denying me. The one person I wanted to express my emotions to, and he obviously didn't want anything to do with it. We were just friends in his eyes. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I constantly set myself up for these things? I should've known better than to get involved with him, yet I didn't. And now I was paying the price for my ignorance. But Christ...what would've happened if I would have seriously asked him out? He would have laughed at me, called me names, told me how ridiculous of an idea that sounded...just like...just like...

_You shouldn't even be seen let alone heard..._

"Mr. Kaiba, I want to check your neck out before we have you try to speak," the doctor explained to me. I could feel him touching my neck and closed my eyes, the vision of _him _clouding my visions. He was right all along. I was stupid for even thinking of asking Joey out. I was so worthless that Joey didn't even consider me being anywhere above the friendship status. I should have known better, but once again I let my heart make blind decisions. No, I was done with it. I wouldn't have it anymore. I was sick of letting myself down.

"Well, your neck appears to be healing nicely, and your arm is almost fully recovered," the doctor stated, interrupting my thoughts. I looked up to see him grabbing some bandages. "I just want to cover them up once more before letting you out. Your voice should be healed up; can you say anything?"

I could, but I didn't want to. I wouldn't. It would just lead to trouble again, like it always did.

"Mr. Kaiba, are you alright? Do you want some water maybe to help you speak a little?"

I just stared blankly at him, wanting him to go away. I wouldn't talk again. I didn't want to.

"Mr. Kaiba, are you seriously okay?"

No, I wasn't. I had decided enough was enough and kept my mouth shut, just like I did when I was a child all those years ago. I was now mimicking the broken child that I truly was.

I was now being what I was always told to be.

Silent.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Author's Note: Two things here. First of all, I want to thank you guys for the comments thus far. They really motivate me to write this story, and I'm glad you enjoy the different approach I took to this story. You have my thanks. Second of all, I want some chapters to be from Joey's POV, but I don't want to write in bold letters at the top of the chapter whose POV the chapter is of. So, when the chapter is from Joey's POV, there will be J's around the title, such as J chapter J , alright? Now to the story. **_

_J Chapter 5 - Not Again J _

I leaned against the wall outside Seto's room as the doctor shut the door behind him. I mentally cursed him; I had hoped to eavesdrop and see whether he could really talk or not. I crossed my arms over my chest and growled, as I was not the patient type of person. I never was, and even though I was working on it, I wasn't even close to being a patient one. Yugi and Tristan were talking about something while Mokuba closed his eyes and leaned back in one of the chairs.

I glared at Yugi and Tristan before sighing and closing my eyes as well. Why did they constantly question me on my relationship with Seto? Seto... I had to get used to that. We have been friends for months, but it was only several weeks ago that we decided it was appropriate to use our first names, and we hadn't seen each other since then. It was strange how I was so used to calling him Kaiba all the time. But whatever.

But Seto and I were not dating! Sure, I totally didn't understand his decision to become my friend, but I highly doubted love was the reason for it. Not that I didn't want that to be the case; even if I didn't have a crush on him, I still thought he was good eye candy. Yeah, that's right. I, Joey Wheeler, am gay! Deal with it, yo!

Now all Yugi and Tristan did was ask when we were going out, when we were gonna get married... all this shit that wasn't even going on. We were just friends, and I liked it that way. I knew Seto had a busy schedule and probably had no time for a boyfriend...that is, if he was gay to begin with. I didn't know what Seto was; sometimes I thought he was clearly straight, and then there were times when it wouldn't surprise me that he was gay. But we were good friends...just good friends. We didn't love each other, and it was less complicated that way. Not that I didn't care about him, far from that. I just didn't care about him...that way.

Although now that I thought about it, I had to admit that new feelings about him were starting to emerge. I began to notice him more, picking up his movements and emotions. I could tell from hanging out with him whether he was happy, stressed out, or angry about something within the first five seconds of seeing him. Of course, that was on an easy day. I don't even think Mokuba could read him most of the time.

I shook my head and sighed once more. No, we were only friends. Like I said, it was less complicated this way. No strange, awkward love situation needed. Besides, he probably would never stoop so low as me. Sure we were friends, but I was always reminded that he was CEO of a company, and I was barely paying for college.

Another silent moment passed before the doctor came out. I looked quickly over at him, and his face looked rather grim. All the instances of what had happened were going through my mind, and Mokuba jumped out of his chair, the same thing probably going through his head as well.

"How is he, Dr. Lugin?" Mokuba asked when the doctor didn't say anything. I hated that, when doctors held a moment of silence. I swear they did it just to be like movie stars: dramatic and unrealistic.

"Well...I think he can speak," the doctor slowly said, looking around as if he was looking for the right words. "But he won't. His neck and arm injuries are healed, but he just won't speak for me."

Now I was confused. Looking around, I knew I wasn't the only one. Mokuba was the one to ask what everyone was thinking. "What?"

"He simply won't speak to me. His injuries are almost done healing, meaning that his vocal cords should be working. But he won't speak for me. He's just staring blankly at me. I asked him if something was wrong, if he maybe needed water or something to drink, but he just stared at me. I was going to ask you if you knew of any reason why this would be."

I looked over at Mokuba, and he slowly looked down at the floor before shaking his head no. But I recognized the look in his eyes. It was the same look Serenity gave me every time we went to the beach. I loved going to the beach as a child and always dragged her along, and even though she enjoyed going to the beach as well, she didn't like going every single day like I did.

It was the look that read _not again_. And that worried me to say the least.

"Can we go inside and see if we can get him to talk?" Yugi asked, walking up next to Mokuba. I blinked; Mokuba was officially taller than Yugi.

"Yes, I was going to suggest that. Please come in." The doctor held the door open for us as we walked in. I let Mokuba go in front of me before walking in. Seto was changing into his normal attire and was putting his trenchcoat. I blushed at the idea of the doctor letting us in earlier, forgetting that he had probably told Seto to get changed in the first damn place.

Mokuba ran up in front of Seto, and I watched him turn around to face us. I wanted to gasp at the look in his eyes but for once kept control. It was just like the doctor said: totally blank. I couldn't read a single emotion in his eyes. It looked like he was staring off into space rather than at us. "Seto, are you okay?" Mokuba asked, grabbing his brother's uninjured arm. "Please say something. Then we can get out of here."

He seemed to contemplate saying something as he looked down at his little brother. I saw a hint of sorrow quickly flicker in his eyes before going back to a blank stare. Nothing. He then looked up over at us and shook his head. Still nothing.

I couldn't believe it. What the hell was going on? "Seto, come on man, say something," I stated, hoping he would have a smartass comment to give back. "You can't stay silent forever, ya' know? How you gonna yell at the assholes you work with?"

Seto's eyes widened slightly, and he shook his head once more and sat down on the edge of the bed. Okay, now I was confused. When Seto doesn't have a smartass comment, you know something is wrong. If I had learned anything, it was that Seto had the sharpest tongue out of anyone I had ever met. Sure I could come up with comebacks, but definitely not as quickly as he could.

"Seto, please, just say one thing," Mokuba pleaded, standing in front of his older brother. That was when the doctor came in.

"Has he said anything?" he asked, looking around the room at us. We all shook our heads no...well, everyone except Seto. The doctor sighed and said, "Well, he's fully healed, so maybe he's just dealing with the attack. Call me if he's still not talking within a week. I'll see if there's something wrong with his vocal cords."

Mokuba nodded slightly, but I could tell the doctor's words went in one ear and out the other. I could see the look of absolute dread in Mokuba's eyes. I couldn't blame him either. "Is there anything we can do for now?" I asked, hoping to bring something positive out of this.

"Not particularly. If it's what I think it is, it's—"

Suddenly Seto stood up and walked around the bed, getting all of our attention. He grabbed an iPod and PSP, which I just noticed, pocketed them in his trenchcoat, and left the room without a word. Now I was seriously confused. We all looked back at the doctor, expecting an explanation.

"I was going to say that, if it's what I think it is, he has to fix it," the doctor finished, looking down the hallway to watch him walk away.

"How can he fix his vocal cords?" I asked.

"Joey...there's nothing wrong with his vocal cords," Mokuba replied, his voice barely above a whisper. I looked back at him, and there were tears on the corners of his eyes. The conversation ended there, as Yugi and Tristan decided it was a good time to leave. Waving goodbye and telling Mokuba that they hoped his brother got better soon, the two left us and the doctor alone, who also took his leave. Mokuba walked up to me and whispered, "Visit more often, okay?" He then left the room to chase his brother down.

I don't think I had ever been more confused in my entire life. And that was seriously saying something.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Author's Note: Just to avoid confusion for the whole POV thing, J's will surround Joey's POV chapters, and S's will surround Seto's POV chapters.**_

_**The title of the song is "Tattered and Torn," by Slipknot. **_

_S Chapter 6 - No Chance S_

The song was finishing as I clicked **save** on the menu screen. I had just finished typing a three-page report for work and knew I had more reports to work on. I sighed and closed my eyes, leaning back in my black, leather, office chair. I was in my bedroom doing work from my laptop. I was supposed to be in the office, but Mokuba said that if I went back to the company without speaking, people would spread word like wildfire. I had to admit that that would be a risky move, so I sent an e-mail to Stacey stating a few minor details, making it sound like my vocal cords were damaged, and told her to make sure everyone did their work. She agreed, and I had already fired two people for slacking off. Thank God for bitchy, strict women.

Mokuba was beside himself with me. The moment we got home he started bombarding me with questions on why I had reverted back. He knew of my silent period, and I guess he figured it was just a phase that Gozaburo put me through. But now that it was back, I could tell he was seriously upset. I didn't like doing it to the kid, but it made things easier for everyone. For him, for me... My being silent was just better. I heard the song change and quickly leaned forward, figuring I could type another report in the next hour.

_Kill me. Tattered and torn._

_Something aches. Tattered and torn._

_Bad things slither. Tattered and torn._

_My floors are burning down. Tattered and torn._

_And I can't find a window._

I smirked at the irony of the words. Sure, I was tattered and torn. That's why I listened to 'the devil's music' in the first place, right? Another excuse for Gozaburo to beat the life out of me. He always hated my music. He always hated everything about me. I guess that was why I was so passionate about my music. Even though nobody could imagine me listening to heavy metal music, I associated with it the most. I...connected to it, and anything I could connect to, human or otherwise, was worth keeping around.

_Tattered and torn. This is medieval. _

_Tattered and torn. This is cerebral._

_Tattered and torn. Suffocated._

_Tattered and torn. Melodramatic._

Mokuba was so worried about me...and I could see the worry in Joey's eyes. Heh, Joey? That asshole...that fucking asshole! I slammed my fists on my desk before sighing and closing my eyes, rubbing my head. No, it wasn't his fault I was an idiot. I couldn't blame him. No, I couldn't blame anybody but myself for thinking I could actually change. I would always be hated. I would always be worthless. Only Mokuba and my music couldn't judge me, it seemed. But whatever I had seen, I knew one thing was clear: being silent now would be different than being silent as a child. Mokuba was trying to do anything to get me to speak. I loved that kid so dearly...why couldn't he understand I was doing this for him? I couldn't get an enemy to kidnap him if I didn't speak. I wouldn't upset him with my brash comments toward his friends anymore. Didn't he see the good coming out of this?

_Tattered and torn. Driven to the verge of_

_Tattered and torn. I make you my enemy_

_Tattered and torn. The nerves you sever_

_Tattered and torn. Can serve you better_

I stopped typing and stared at my computer. I could feel fatigue coming on. I hadn't slept for the past day out of fear of the nightmares. I knew my lack of speaking would bring about the more terrible nightmares once more, for I was becoming reclusive once more. Maybe that's why Mokuba was worried about this. He knew just as well as I did that when I became reclusive, I became extremely depressed. But I'm already there! I'm already depressed, already lost, already...worthless. This was just adding the finishing touch. I bit my bottom lip and hung my head, slowly reaching down to turn the computer off. I knew this wasn't right. I knew it. But I would be damned if I spoke again. It just caused problems because I was a problem. But the nightmares...I didn't want to see the nightmares, and I knew I would soon fall asleep out of exhaustion. I couldn't go a full day without sleep. I had tried on several occasions and failed miserably. Even though I could stay up late and wake up early the next morning refreshed, those few hours of sleep really did make the difference.

_Tattered and torn. In the blink of an eye_

_Tattered and torn. In the space of a second_

_Tattered and torn. Open my wrists_

_Tattered and torn. Give me my lessons_

Those beatings haunted me at night. Those damn beatings... I literally lived in the past at night, which was why I couldn't leave it in the day. It hung above me like my band posters hanging from the ceiling. I never liked sleeping. It only reminded me of a past I'd rather forget. I needed to destroy the past, but nobody can do that. It's always there, whether you like what happened or not. I was stuck with it. My being silent was a memory that relived itself almost every other night. Now I was officially living in the past through and through. Now I had a chance of forgetting it.

If my mind would let me...

_Tearing myself apart_

_from the things that make me hurt!_

_Tearing myself apart_

_from the things that make me hurt!_

_Tearing myself apart_

_from the things that make me hurt!_

The phrase in the song kept repeating over and over again, and I eventually reached over and grabbed the remote to turn the sound system off. Walking over to my bed, I didn't care if it was noon or not. I needed rest. My mind was slowly turning off; I could the fatigue washing over me. Closing my eyes, I fell onto my bed and crawled into the center and let my body relax. I sighed, knowing what was ahead of me. I knew I couldn't fight my past off alone, which was now my only way. There was no chance in Hell.

I suddenly smiled, realizing what my decision had cost me. I was cutting myself off from the world, living in the past. I was basically seeing myself, destroying myself.

And I guess what scared me the most was that it didn't surprise me one bit. Gozaburo always said that he waited to find me with my wrists open, bleeding to death on his brand new carpet flooring, dead as can be. It was with that thought in mind that I fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

_J Chapter 7 - Surprise Visit J_

I walked up the staircase as I headed toward Seto's room, wondering if he would enjoy my visit. I hadn't called ahead of time like normal, but it was Friday, and the store I worked at had decided to let us go early. Therefore, I had absolutely nothing to do, and I had just bought a new video game to play later tonight. Figuring there would be no harm involved, I had decided to give Seto a surprise visit. I knew he would probably be working his ass off for his company, but I remembered Mokuba's comment about coming over more often and figured I would do so.

I honestly didn't know what was going on with Seto, but Mokuba seemed to, and from what I saw in the hospital, it wasn't a good situation. If what Mokuba said was true, there was nothing wrong with Seto. He was fine. So why wasn't he speaking? I didn't understand. But maybe I could get an answer out of him tonight. Of course that's somewhat difficult when he won't speak, but I'd get him to.

Knocking on the door, I placed the bag with the video game under my arm and waited patiently for Seto to open the door. I already went to KaibaCorp only to be told he wasn't at work, and I knew the only other place he worked besides his main office was at home. I never saw him work at home; the only times I had been over, we hung out mainly in the game room. I had to admit I was sort of curious as to what Seto's bedroom was like. I've seen Mokuba's in the past, but there was nothing special about his room. Seto, however, was quite the mystery, even to me after being friends with him for years.

I sighed and knocked again on the door. But when no answer came, I became slightly worried. What if the maid was wrong? She said he was up in his room working. What if he was in the bathroom? What if he was in another of the twenty thousand rooms in this mansion? I growled and knocked on the door once more, this time adding, "Hey Seto, it's me!"

No answer. "_Dammit,_" I thought bitterly, leaning up against the wall. "_First he goes silent, next he disappears. What's next? He becomes a magician?_"

I pushed myself off the wall and knocked even harder this time. "Seto, it's me, Joey!" I exclaimed. "Open the door!" I put the game in my hand and folded my arms over my chest. Still nothing. Alright, something was up. Grasping the doorknob, I quickly opened the door and walked into his room, shutting the door behind me before turning around. I could not have been any less prepared for what I saw.

The walls were a dark blue; the flooring was black carpet. His bed was the same dark blue, and all of the furniture was made of extremely dark wood or black metal. A few bookshelves lined one wall, and a desk with an expensive-looking computer sat in the corner. I saw another doorway, which must've led to his private bathroom. But that wasn't what surprised me.

It was the ceiling that surprised me.

The entire ceiling must have been covered from corner to corner with posters of bands. Posters of nearly every heavy metal musician I had ever heard of hung from the ceiling, growling, smirking, and smiling down at me. I even saw a few signatures from the band members written in black ink on them. My mouth dropped; I had no idea Seto was even into music, let alone this much! My first thought was simple: _Holy shit._

Looking around the room some more, my gaze eventually landed on the bed, where the surprises never seemed to end. Seto was sleeping (yeah, _sleeping_) peacefully on the bed on his side, his arms wrapped around his waist. Wasn't it nearly one o' clock in the afternoon? What was Seto doing sleeping? He never slept that much at night, and now he was sleeping during the day?

I slowly walked over to the bed and stared down at him. His entire body, which was usually so tense, seemed to almost be sinking into the bed. His complexion showed a certain sense of calmness that I had never seen before in his face. Brushing several bangs out of his face, I couldn't believe this was the asshole that I had hated for so long until two years ago. And even with those two years of friendship we had, I never knew him to be a tranquil person. He still held his guard, and he still could be a serious asshole.

Backing away, I chuckled and thought, "_Well, there goes my visit._" Setting the game on a nearby nightstand, I went to look for a sticky note on his desk. Maybe if I left a note, he would give me a call later tonight, and we could still hang out. I didn't want to wait hovering over him for him to wake up. That would just be the slightest bit creepy. But as I was searching for a pad of sticky notes (with a man like Seto, I figured he had every office supply at his disposal), I could have sworn I heard something.

I quickly turned around and looked at Seto. Surely not. But then he said it again, this time a bit louder. "Stop...please..." he whispered, his arms tightening their grip on him. His eyebrows knit together, his face going from peaceful to painful. Rolling over onto his other side, he kept whispering, "No...stop...please..."

Quietly walking back to the bed, I put my hands on the edge and leaned forward to see Seto closer. "_He must be dreaming,_" I concluded. But then it hit me. "_He spoke..._" So he _could_ speak! Mokuba had been right! But that would mean...

...that it was his decision...

...to not speak.

What the hell?

"Stop, please!" he suddenly exclaimed, his entire body beginning to shake as he curled up into a ball. My eyes widened in shock; what was he dreaming about? I grabbed onto his shoulders and shook his shaking form slightly, hoping to grab his attention. Instead it made him worse, for his shaking increased dramatically.

"Seto, wake up!" I shouted. Looking down at his arms, I gasped in shock as I saw blood on one of his hands. He was digging into his arm, and with his injury... "_His injury probably hasn't fully healed, and now the idiot's gone and reopened it!_" "Seto, you have to wake up!" I repeated. Doing the only thing I could think of, I slapped his face as hard as I could.

His blue eyes held utter hatred as he bolted upright and stared up at me, but I didn't regret my impulsive action. "You were having a nightmare," I explained as he glared at me. "I just came to visit you and was about to leave when you started talking in your sleep. You reopened your injury...you had such a tight grip on yourself that you probably cut into it." Looking down at his arm, I asked, "Do you want me to help you bandage it up?"

I watched as his eyes slowly went from loathing to understanding before glancing down at his arm. He shook his head no and quickly stood up before heading off to the other door I had seen. "But wait!" I exclaimed, and before I could think about what I was saying, I asked, "Hey, if you can yell in your sleep, why won't you talk to anybody?"

He stopped dead in his tracks before turning to face me. My jaw dropped slightly, but I quickly fixed it and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. His eyes now showed not pure hatred, but pure sorrow. His eyes had to be the only set of eyes that I had ever known to lead directly to the soul. Maybe it was just because I had hung around him for several years, but I could read the emotions emitting from his eyes. And now...now all I saw was a broken person, and it made me feel just as broken as he did, if not more so. I suddenly wanted to run up to him and give him a hug, to tell him it was okay.

Thinking for once about my actions, I slowly stood up and watched him turn around and head into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I got the message; he wanted me to leave. Besides, he could bandage himself up fine. I sighed and decided it would be a good time to go and left the room with the game, figuring we could play it some other time.

But the image of Seto scared of whatever nightmare he was having...it just wouldn't leave my mind. Well, that and the whole silent-during-the-day treatment. If there was anything I got out of that visit, it was simple.

Whatever Seto had dreamed about, it obviously held a very tight and deadly grip on his mental state.


	8. Chapter 8

_S Chapter 8 - Silent Tears S_

I was on my knees, my arms wrapped around my waist, in the bathroom as I heard the other door in my room close shut, signaling that Joey had left. Droplets of blood were falling onto the floor from my arm, but I didn't even bother to move to clean them up. My body was trembling, and my vision began to blur.

"_You're so pathetic, you stupid boy!" _

"_What's wrong with you? Have you finally learned that your throat should have been cut when you were born?"_

"_No response, huh? At last, you've learned that you're nothing!"_

My breath began to come out raggedly, and I closed my eyes as I tried to wipe away the memories. I kept telling myself over and over again that it was just a nightmare, that he wasn't here telling me those things now. He threw himself out a window when I took over; he was done with. He wasn't alive to tell me those things now, was he?

And yet I couldn't calm myself down. Joey had seen me in this state, a state that I wouldn't even let Mokuba see me in. I could always fake it for the kid. He didn't deserve to see his older brother like this. After all that we had been through, he probably thought of me as a stronger person than this. Someone who wouldn't let his past control him. Someone who could fight off the dreams and nightmares that plagued him every night.

Oh, if only... if only I couldn't be broken.

Now Joey knew. I hung my head in shame and sighed. He would probably make fun of me now on how weak I truly was. My face still stung from where he had slapped me, but at least it woke me up. Sure I was angry at first, but that anger turned to sorrow when I realized my situation. He knew. He fucking knew that I could be just as broken as any person. He knew I wasn't doing well now, and two situations could come out of that. One was that he would let it go and pretend it never happened. Although I wanted that situation to occur, it probably wouldn't. No, he wouldn't just let it go.

"_You wonder why you had no friends at the orphanage? You wondered why everyone laughed at you, you weak boy?"_

Sure kids laughed at me. But I promised myself that once I took over KaibaCorp, no more. No one would make fun of me after that. No one would ever even think of picking on Mokuba or myself. And now...now Joey was probably going home to do just that.

That's when I felt it. Something hot slowly rolling down my cheek. I gasped in shock, quickly placed my hand on my face, and took it away to reveal a teardrop. No, I couldn't cry. But then I felt another tear fall, followed by another, and soon my face had tear streaks down the sides of my cheeks. I closed my eyes, realizing how futile it would be to try and stop the tears from coming and slowly placed my forehead on the ground, my arms still wrapped around my waist (and probably still bleeding).

I was crying. How fucking weak was I becoming? It was just like he said...

"_Kaibas don't cry! Why are you crying? Does it hurt when I hit you? When I insult you? Get used to it, you pathetic weakling! Nobody in my family even knows how to cry!"_

I shook and choked out a whimper as the memory swept through me, resulting in more tears coming down my face onto the bathroom floor. I didn't remember the last time I cried, and now here I was, shaking uncontrollably like a toddler, and I couldn't do a thing to control it. I tried thinking of anything, absolutely anything, that would stop the tears, but they just kept coming down my face. I needed to stop; I had to stop. Crying never got me anything in life except another beating. I don't even think I cried in my sleep anymore. Sure I talked sometimes (Mokuba often woke me up after hearing me scream during the night as a kid), but I—

"_Hey, if you can yell in your sleep, why won't you talk to anybody?"_

My heart, my tears...my entire body seemed to turn to stone for a split second. Joey had said I talked in my sleep...which meant that he probably figured out that I was, in fact, not silent from medical treatments. No, no, no! This couldn't be happening! He couldn't figure that out! If he found out about that, he would never let it go! He'd probably got KaibaCorp and tell everyone what was going on, and then people would question my absence. Dammit, how did I let him learn so much?

I quickly wiped my tears away and slowly sat up. No, he wouldn't go to KaibaCorp. My mind was just coming up with things now. Him and I had been friends for two years. Sure he would make fun of me for this; I didn't doubt that. But I highly doubted he would go that far to ruin me. From being friends with him, I had learned about his motivation, or lack thereof. He wouldn't have the motivation to go that far...hopefully.

I leaned against the wall and slid up before looking at myself in the mirror. God, did I look like shit. Tear streaks were all down my face, and I could see blood covering my hand from the opened wound. I walked forward toward the sink and leaned on it, closing my eyes and trying to gain control of my body. No, I had to fight this. This was what I wanted to be silent for: to be on my own. And if I was going to actually live my life, I would have to deal with this.

I waited for my breathing to regulate itself before looking back at the mirror. Stripping out of my shirt and tossing it on the floor, I saw the damage on my arm and sighed. My entire arm was coated with a thin layer of blood at this point, and after taking a glance down at the floor, I saw a small puddle of blood and tears as well. I turned the cold water on and quickly filled my hands up with water before splashing it all over my face.

Taking a nearby towel, I placed it under the water and let it soak for a minute or so before placing it on my arm, which had finally stopped bleeding. Finally, I was starting to be back in control. The one word that made up my entire life was beginning to mean something once again. I smiled slightly and leaned against the wall once more, just holding the washcloth on my arm. I would get through this. I had before, and I would do it again. Even if it meant waking up and crying in the bathroom every night, I knew I would somehow get by.

I cringed and slowly wrapped my arms around my waist, sliding down to the floor. Closing my eyes, I did what I thought would be the best thing to do in this situation. I let the tears which were threatening to form again fall down my face, knowing that as long as nobody knew, it would be okay.


	9. Chapter 9

_S Chapter 9 - Let it Go S_

The clicking of the keyboard was the noise in my room save for my music, which I had turned down to a low volume. I needed to get these reports done; I had slacked off yesterday from taking the nap, but even after that I couldn't work. My mind just wouldn't let me. And from the little amount of sleep I had gotten this morning (I had gone to bed at around three), I knew that today would be pushing it. But I had to get them done. This was the life I was forced into, and I knew exactly what I needed to do. Sleep had never been one of those things, or at least not one of the top priorities.

My arm was healing back up after the incident yesterday, but Joey hadn't called about it. I could only imagine what he was doing now. "_Probably telling all his friends how he had seen the mighty fall,_" I thought bitterly, letting out a sigh and shaking my head. No, my focus had to be on my work. I couldn't think about him.

And yet I did. The way he had been looking at me, how he seemed concerned about me... Ha! What was I thinking? Nobody cared about me. Nobody but Mokuba and Joey ever liked me, and now that Joey saw what a weakling I was, he probably was beginning to think of me as being too useless to be a friend. Obviously if I couldn't take care of myself, how could I think of managing a friendship? It made my head hurt just thinking about it, how I had put so much into that relationship just to destroy it like that. I should've never became friends with him. Hell, I shouldn't have even fallen in love with the kid. No, if I had been smart, I would have–

My head jerked up as I heard a knock at the door. Turning around in my chair, I saw the door slowly open to reveal Mokuba. I smiled slightly and watched him walk into my room, shut the door behind him, and slowly walk over and sit on the edge of my bed. Today he was wearing a red t-shirt, black shorts, black sneakers, and two wristbands per arm. "Hey Seto," he said after a moment of silence, his voice barely above a whisper.

I frowned. What was wrong with him?

"You know...it's been nearly a week now since the hospital...and you still aren't talking." He looked up at me, and I could tears threatening to surface. "You aren't talking, but not because of that attack. You just simply aren't talking. What happened, Seto?"

I froze in my chair. I knew Mokuba would figure it out eventually, but the way he asked was almost too blunt for him. Usually he was stealthy about his approaches to certain things, especially difficult subjects he didn't want to talk about. But he had just flat out asked what the hell was wrong with me. This wasn't right of him.

"I know you didn't speak while Gozaburo was around, and I know that that was from abuse. But Seto...nobody abuses you anymore. Nobody treats you the way Gozaburo treated you. Sure, I know you have nightmares still, but that never stopped you from talking before. What happened, Seto? Why aren't you speaking to anybody anymore? Was it something I did?"

My eyes widened in shock at this. No, Mokuba couldn't blame himself for this. I quickly shook my head no and walked over to him, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around his waist. I wanted to tell him I was sorry for ever making him think such things, that he couldn't blame himself for my pathetic life, but the words wouldn't come. I just continued shaking my head no before he looked up at me. "Then what is it, Seto? What happened?"

I looked down at him in confusion before closing my eyes and looking away. How I could tell him that my heart had been broken? It sounded like such a pathetic excuse now that I thought about it. Here I was, being silent because some punk that I loved had basically indirectly said no fucken way. But it wasn't just that reason anymore. There was a whole slew of things going on now. Gozaburo was popping up more and more into my head, Joey had seen me in a state of weakness and despair...and now Mokuba was blaming himself for my behavior. None of this was right.

Mokuba sighed and quickly got off the bed. He stood directly in front of me, hands on his hips, as he gazed into what seemed my very being. "Seto, this is serious," he said, his voice going cold. I blinked at his sudden change. "If I had to guess what was going on, I would say that you're thinking more and more about Gozaburo now, aren't you? I want to know why. He's dead, Seto. Dead! He can't come back!"

His voice had continually risen as he talked until he was nearly shouting at me. All I could do was stare in wonder at the kid. He was now taking care of me, it seemed. I was supposed to be his big brother, and here he was preaching to me on how unhealthy I was becoming.

"_You wonder why you had no friends at the orphanage? You wondered why everyone laughed at you, you weak boy?"_

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked down at the floor. I couldn't even look at my younger brother anymore. I was so ashamed of the whole situation. Didn't I become silent to stop these problems? Wasn't this the reason I had silenced myself, to avoid confrontations? I did this for myself, for Mokuba, for Joey...and now everything was going downhill once again.

I felt two hands grasp onto my shoulders and looked up to see Mokuba staring at me. Tears were falling down his face, and I quickly wiped them away. _"No, don't cry Mokuba. Don't cry because your older brother is such a failure. It's not your fault._"

He quickly wrapped his arms around me, and I gently hugged him with one arm and began playing with his long, thick, black hair with the other. The least I could do at this point was comfort him. If I couldn't even comfort my younger brother, I didn't deserve to have him. "Seto, he's gone," he said as he leaned against me. "He's gone, and he's never coming back. You need to start living your life, Seto, and this isn't the way to do it! You need to let go of him and move on! Isn't Joey hanging out with you more? You need to make a friend, to start being happier of a person. I can't stand seeing you like this again, Seto. It hurt me so much when you were silent years ago, and now you're doing the same thing. You need to move on, Seto!"

Move on? Yeah, I knew I needed to move on. I've known that my entire life. But how could I?

Mokuba pushed himself off my chest and quickly wiped his eyes dry before looking over at the digital clock on my desk. Turning back to face me, he said, "Please start speaking again, Seto. I don't care if it takes you a day or two, but please just say something to me sometime soon."

He began walking over to the door before he stopped, as if forgetting something, and turned back around. "I'm going to Jay's house for a little bit," he stated. "Maybe you should hang out with Joey." And with that, he left the room.

I just stared at the floor in front of me, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Sighing, I slowly stood up and walked over to the computer, turning the off button. Who cares if I became another day behind? Certainly not me, and certainly not at this point. Putting my white trenchcoat on, I decided it was time for a small trip.


	10. Chapter 10

_S Chapter 10 - The Hidden Niche S_

I could feel the sand underneath my hands and slowly grabbed a handful, just staring down at it before the strong breeze carried it away. It was probably around four o' clock by now, which was earlier than my normal time, but thankfully nobody was around. The sun was high up in the sky, making the water glow with light.

Bringing my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around my shins and let my head rest on my knees. I could feel tears threatening to form, but I quickly took care of them. I would never cry in public; who knew what kind of sick paparazzi men were staring at me this very moment, waiting to take a picture of me doing something I would never do. Cry, go swimming... I hated paparazzi.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I just stared out into the ocean, letting the moving water be the only sound to reach my ears. It was so peaceful here...so quiet...

But my mind wasn't. My mind kept replaying today like a broken record, over and over again until I wanted to puke it up.

"_Why aren't you speaking to anybody anymore? Was it something I did?"_

"_He's dead, Seto. Dead! He can't come back!"_

"_You need to start living your life, Seto, and this isn't the way to do it!"_

Maybe it hurt me the most...what had happened...because I knew that everything Mokuba had said was true. My own little brother had basically told me to grow the fuck up and move on. I would...but I couldn't.

How many nights had I wanted to sleep without nightmares taking away my much-needed energy? How many days did I just want to go home to a family, a boyfriend, just a friend besides Mokuba? How many hours did I slave away at work, only wishing to be home doing something fun? Didn't Mokuba know that I had tried to change? It had been a constant struggle for me; a battle that I knew I would lose but continued to fight on anyways. Once Gozaburo pushed himself out that window, I thought I would be able to change. I had wanted to, so it didn't seem like it would be a big problem.

Yeah, if only it was so simple. Then maybe I wouldn't be alone. I wouldn't wake up feeling exhausted every day instead of refreshed like I should be. I wouldn't...be miserable.

But there was no use. I figured that out years ago. I couldn't change, even if I wanted to. There was just too much damage to repair for me and not enough time in the world to fix it. Gozaburo had destroyed my life and any hopes I had of rebuilding that lost life. Once again, I realized how little control I truly had over my life. He had literally written my life out for me, and it was just sinking in now how that truly affected me. I would never be the person I wanted to be...all because of that bastard.

"_He's dead, Seto. Dead! He can't come back!"_

Sure he was dead. I had never felt so happy in my life as I did the day I found out about my step-father's suicide, mainly because I knew I was the cause of it. But not what was inside me... that definitely wasn't dead. Just because he died doesn't mean that the memories of him died, that the scars on my body disappeared, that I had just forgotten about him entirely and moved on. They were still very much alive, in fact, and it was what kept me from becoming normal.

Gozaburo...how even now your name brings me such hatred. I could never figure it out, how you carved your niche into my very being, my very soul, but you did it, you asshole. I had spent years trying to find that niche and destroying it just as you destroyed me, but every time I seemed to get close, it escaped my grasp. That was when I realized that I _couldn't _destroy it, but that it could only destroy me, and I lost hope for ever becoming the man I wanted to be. I was stuck in this body, with this soul...forever.

I let out another heavy sigh and straightened my legs out before closing my eyes and falling backwards into the sand. Sand...I remember the sandbox at the orphanage. Mokuba and I used to build all sorts of things in there, things that we were in control of. Castles, dungeons, amusement parks...anything just to get our minds off the situation at hand. I grabbed another handful of sand and lifted my hand, watching it slowly fall down my arm and back onto the beach.

In fact, now that I think on it, we did a lot of fun things at the orphanage. Just the two of us, of course, for nobody liked Mokuba and hated the fact that I stood up for the kid. Why didn't anybody ever like him? He was always a nice kid, always doing things for others...

Of course we had done more things that just play in a sandbox and chess. We played a whole bunch of board games, some of which we even made up. I remember them having a video game system somewhere and playing it with Mokuba late at night, when everyone was supposed to be asleep. We'd always hang out together, just the two of us. Even though our parents were dead, we still clung to each other for dear life. And now it seemed, at least ten years later, I was still clinging onto him as much as I had back then. While Mokuba was out growing up, I was stuck with just him.

"_You need to make a friend, to start being a happier person."_

I chuckled at how true the sentence rang, but every friend I ever made was either fake or is gone. The only person I ever wanted to be a friend with recently...was...

"Joey..." I whispered the name, closing my eyes and remembering the hospital incident. Yet he still came over to play a video game; he still came over to visit me. Maybe hope wasn't completely lost with him yet...

That was when I felt it. A hand brush a few strands of my hair. I quickly opened my eyes and gasped as I saw a set of beautiful, brown eyes staring down at me.


	11. Chapter 11

_J Chapter 11 - Enjoy the Silence J_

I looked down at him, surprised to find _the _Seto Kaiba sunbathing on the beach. Well, I'm sure he wasn't here for a tan, but just to find him outside his office or home was a big deal. He looked so peaceful with his eyes closed, as if he was sleeping. Of course, the last time I saw him sleeping...well, peaceful wasn't the first word that came to mind. But the way the setting sun glowed on him... Peaceful was the correct word to use here.

Without thinking, I reached down and went to brush some of his brown bangs when his piercing blue eyes shot open. I gasped and quickly took my hand back, feeling a slight blush spread across my face. "Sorry," I whispered, glancing over at him and trying to smile. "I didn't mean to wake you up."

He waved his hand as if to brush it off and sighed before looking over at me, confusion evident on his face. I chuckled and said, "I come here often since I always liked the beach. What are you doing here, though? Don't you have work to do or something?"

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. Perhaps that wasn't the best subject to bring up. Who knows... maybe he was here to relax, and here I was annoying him. I slowly went to stand up when I felt something grab my hand. Looking down in shock, I saw his hand grasping mine. Even though I was confused, I slowly sat back down. Did he want my company? The last time I tried that, I got kicked out...or maybe he wanted to talk about that.

"I didn't tell anybody about your nightmare," I stated. I knew he had a reputation to keep up, and spreading rumors about his nightmares wouldn't have helped our friendship at all. Besides, if I was having the kind of nightmares he was obviously having, I wouldn't want to share them either. He, however, seemed shocked at my statement and quickly sat up to stare at me. "I won't press you about it, but I just wanted to tell you I didn't tell anybody. I know how paranoid you are about people sometimes and figured you wouldn't want that kind of a secret spread around. You don't have to worry about it."

I saw a hint of a smile grace his lips before he laid back down on the sand. I decided to lay down beside him and smiled over at him. The sun was just beginning to set, and if I didn't know any better, I would say that this was probably one of the most romantic atmospheres I had ever been in. Not that Seto and I were dating or anything, but I couldn't deny that the whole setting was rather...romantic.

"So...what brought you here? I always come here during the day, but I've never seen you before." He frowned and shook his head before closing his eyes. Alright, that _definitely_ answered my question. He probably didn't want to talk about it...of course, he hasn't wanted to talk about anything lately. I decided to take another approach. "I'm sorry that I barged into your room like that," I remarked. He looked over at me, and I said, "I was just coming over for a friendly visit. I didn't mean to wake you up while you were sleeping... Hell, I didn't even know you were sleeping to begin with."

He smirked and closed his eyes before waving his hand again (was that his new thing now that he wasn't speaking?). I came to the conclusion that, no matter what I said, he wasn't going to talk, so I asked, "Am I bothering you?"

His eyes, to my surprise, shot open once again, and he frowned and quickly shook his head no. He then looked down towards the ocean, and I think I understood what he wanted to get across. I wasn't bugging him...just keeping him company. Something that, though he wanted to deny, I knew he wanted. Ever since we had become friends all those years ago, I saw things that he wanted but denied himself. Friends was one of them.

Biting my lower lip, I asked, "Do you want me to leave?" He closed his eyes and slowly shook his head no. Needless to say, I was more than surprised, but I smiled nonetheless and closed my eyes as well. "I always used to come to the beach with my sister, back when we were kids. It got us away from our parents, who were too busy arguing over divorce papers. She's stopped going since then, but I come here often still just to enjoy the silence." I wondered if he was even listening to me. "Of course, I don't build sand castles or anything like that anymore, although I'm sure you wouldn't be surprised if I did."

I heard him chuckle and quickly looked over. His eyes were still closed, but he was smiling. So he _was_ listening to me. But now that I knew he was listening, I couldn't really think of anything else to say. I'm sure he didn't want to hear about my family life. Even though we had been friends for two years now, we knew very little about each other. I only knew that he was adopted and had Mokuba, but he didn't know about my divorced parents. And from what I had recently seen, he had enough on his mind. He didn't need my family issues on his shoulders.

So what was there to talk about? Nothing really. We always talked about video games, or he told me stories about KaibaCorp and the new gaming systems he was creating. Never about personal life.

Letting out a sigh, I looked over to see him still smiling. Maybe he just wanted the silence for awhile. I had to admit that that was the reason I came to the beach. It was quiet, relaxing...all of life's problems seemed to flow away with the tide. He was probably thinking the same thing.

It was then that I felt something in my hand move. Looking down, I realized he was still holding my hand, his thumb slowly caressing my hand. I blushed slightly before shaking my head. Okay, this was getting a little odd, but I somehow couldn't take my hand back. I decided to just let it go; it wasn't like he was kissing me or anything. He was just holding onto my hand for no apparent reason.

My stomach suddenly began to feel funny, but I tried ignoring it as best I could. I knew the feeling all too well, but I didn't want to feel it now. I remember feeling it while he was around...just feeling like you were wanted and...and loved. I quickly shook my head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. No, that was months ago. He was long gone, now fucking that guy who he had cheated on me for. Seto was one of the only people who knew I was gay, and I had confided in him about breaking up with my boyfriend. Not my sister, not my friends... Seto. And he seemed to understand enough. He had heard me out, had tried his best to comfort me by taking me out to eat (he knew I loved food).

No, I couldn't be developing feelings for Seto...not now. Not for my sake, but for his. From what I had seen, he was going through a lot mentally. His nightmares, the fact that he wasn't talking to anybody...something was going on. I didn't need to add myself to that list of problems. But then again...maybe if I helped him out...

How could I have developed feelings for him to begin with? I definitely couldn't deny that feeling in the pit of my stomach; I wanted to hug him, just like I had the time I woke him up from his nightmare, to kiss him. But I promised myself I wouldn't when I became friends with him. Oh no, this feeling wasn't something new or sudden. He was always eye candy for me, had always been. When he came up to me with the proposal of being friends, it took all my willpower not to say, "Hey, let's take that one step further. Wanna date me?" Now, two years later, I was still having the same problem.

No, a boyfriend was the last thing he needed. Seto needed a friend right now. He needed somebody for support, and if holding my hand awkwardly was his way of doing it, let it be.

Speaking of which...clenching my hand shut, I found his hand to be gone. Looking over, I saw him sitting up, his legs cris-crossed, smiling out at the ocean. A genuine smile was on his face, and his eyes seemed to glow with the setting sun. There was only one word to describe him at that moment: beautiful.

I watched as he slowly stood up and brushed the sand off his trenchcoat and legs. Looking down at me, he smirked and waved good-bye, and I rolled onto my stomach and watched him walk over to the parking lot, put his motorcycle helmet on, and zoom off. I wanted to ride with him, to be close to him... I wanted to be loved by him.

But he had enough on his mind. I was just a friend... and it was probably better that way for the both of us.


	12. Chapter 12

_S Chapter 12 - Shatter S_

I quickly bolted upright in bed, my body shaking uncontrollably as it always did when I awoke in the middle of the night. The moonlight was shining into my room, and I wrapped my arms around my waist and tried my best to control my breathing. Another nightmare...as usual. When would I ever sleep _without_ having one? I swear they were just as etched into my schedule as going to work was.

Once I gained control of my body, I sighed and slowly got out of bed, walking to the nearby bathroom. I could feel the tear streaks on my face and wanted to slap myself for crying in my sleep again. That was the worst feeling ever, waking up to tears falling down your face. Nothing to remind you about your dream than tears. Sure, some people cried out of joy or happiness, but that never happened to me. I didn't even understand the concept.

I turned the light on in the bathroom and turned the cold water on, filling my hands up and splashing it all over my face. Alright, bad move. Now I was wide awake, and judging from the darkness outside, it was still late at night. Shit. Oh well... I tended not to want to fall back asleep after having a nightmare, so maybe this was a better move than I thought it was.

Looking up at myself in the mirror, I closed my eyes and sighed once more. No matter how many times I told myself he was gone during the day, he always came back at night. His torture, his teachings... I couldn't deny it at night like I did during the day. It was pathetic, really. I could easily go through the day saying he wasn't going to bother me anymore, but the moment my eyes closed, I was reminded that he was still there, that he would always be there.

"_He's dead, Seto. Dead! He can't come back"_

Sure he couldn't...not until my mind let him, anyways. Why did my mind do this to me at night? Didn't it want sleep as well? Apparently not. I wanted to forget him so badly, to put him behind me...

Looking back up at the mirror, I saw my reflection and felt anger suddenly course through me. I wanted him gone, gone forever, thrown out of that fucken window all over again. How had he destroyed my life like so? It was like Mokuba said; he was dead. So why was he still haunting me?

Was it...was it because I allowed it?

No, that couldn't have been it, but I could think of no other solution. I wanted him gone, but he wouldn't leave.

"_I'm going to make sure you're worthy of becoming a Kaiba, you worthless boy. I'm going to make you proud of the title."_

Yeah, by beating me up and ruining my life? By torturing me for your own sick pleasure? I closed my eyes and groaned, remembering the nightmare I had just woken up from not five minutes ago. When I saw him flash before my eyes, I quickly jerked my head up and stared at my reflection.

He was part of me...after all these years, Gozaburo Kaiba still lived within me. He was the reason I couldn't sleep at night. He was the reason I couldn't live a normal life. He was the reason I hadn't talked to Joey on the beach...

Joey...

I smiled at the memory of touching his hand. He had actually let me hold his hand, had told me a little bit about himself. I didn't say anything, but I made sure to let him know I was listening. I had gone to be alone, but I realized I was only happy when he was around. I truly loved the kid... but _he _wouldn't let me.

"_Love is only for the weak, boy. You will learn to live without it, just as I have."_

What, so I could throw myself out a window? I don't think so. I glared at my reflection, truly realizing what I was now. I was _him_ now; I don't think even the name Seto should go with me. If I had just been myself all these years, I would be happy, like Mokuba said. If I could only just let him go, just be myself...

Glancing up at my reflection again, something snapped in me. I don't know what it was, but a mixture of intense anger and absolute sorrow washed over me, and in a split second, I raised my hand and punched the mirror. The glass shattered into hundreds of pieces, some going in the sink and others flying out in all directions. I felt tears falling down my face but didn't know where they had come from.

I was now panting as though I had just ran a marathon. I grabbed the edge of the broken mirror and tried to control my breathing for the second time that night. I could feel blood running down my arm and saw it on the sink, but all I could think about what was I had just done. I had destroyed my reflection..._his_ reflection...

"_You need to start living your life, Seto, and this isn't the way to do it! You need to let go of him and move on!"_

My vision began to blur, and I quickly grabbed a towel and began to clean the glass up. I didn't know what came over me, but it felt right. Even if my hand had cuts all over it, even if I had a large mess to clean up at God-only-knows what hour...it still felt right. I began throwing the glass away when I stopped and blinked, the realization hitting me.

I slowly looked back at the broken mirror, then down at my hand. This was what I needed to do. I needed to destroy him, to get rid of him once and for all. I need to live my life without Gozaburo tormenting my mind and soul. Every night I was just reminded that he had control over me, and every day I would deny it. But now...now that I knew what was going on...now that I truly wanted to change...

Of course, punching a mirror probably wasn't the best way to go about it, for now my entire hand was covered in blood. I quickly went back to cleaning the glass up, and once most of it was in the trash can, I saw the damage on my hand and groaned. This was going to hurt. Turning the hot water on, I gasped in pain but quickly shook it off as I slowly cleaned it out. There were cuts all over my hand, and I noticed one or two a little too close to my wrist for comfort.

Once I cleaned it off, I bandaged it up, walked back into my bedroom, and lied down on my bed, just staring up at my ceiling of band posters. I smiled, remembering all the concerts I had snuck out to go see at night while Gozaburo was sleeping. If I was caught, it meant one of the worst punishments I had ever received. But the maid at the time was a kind woman and always covered my ass up. She was probably one of the reasons I was alive today, for if he found out I had ever gone to so many concerts, he surely would've killed me.

"_He's dead, Seto. Dead! He can't come back!"_

That's right...he was dead. But could I consider myself living? Not like this, and looking down at my hand, I smiled and thought, "_Not anymore. I really have a chance to get through this. I need to get through this._" Grabbing my iPod off the night stand, I decided to listen to some music until it was time to get up.


	13. Chapter 13

_J Chapter 13 - Past Revealed J_

"That will be 29 dollars and 99 cents," I said as I placed the video game into the plastic bag. The customer handed me thirty bucks, and I quickly got out the penny change and handed it to him along with the bag and receipt. "Have a nice day now." The man nodded his head at me and walked off into the shopping mall. I sighed and leaned on the counter. I had been working for seven and a half hours; thank goodness my shift was over in another half hour. It hadn't been that busy, but most of the customers that came in today seemed to be in a pissy mood. It was my job to be nice to them, however, so I had to smile. Hey, that's what I was paid to do!

I looked around to the see the store completely empty. Good; I didn't feel like dealing with any more customers. Closing my eyes, I smiled as my mind drifted off to yesterday, on the beach...with Seto holding my hand...

Jerking my head up, I slowly shook my head and groaned. Shit, that had to have been the fiftieth time I thought about him today! I had to knock it off! I slammed my fist down on the counter when I thought I heard a familiar tone. I looked down in confusion in the sudden silence before I heard it again. My cell phone! Quickly taking it out of my pocket, I read the number and didn't recognize it. Figuring I was bored enough to answer it, I flipped it open and said, "Hello, this is Joey."

"Hey Joey," a familiar voice said. My eyes widened in shock.

"Mokuba? Hey kid, what's up?"

"Nothing much. How are you doing?"

"Not bad. Almost done with work here." An awkward moment of silence held between us until I asked, "How did you get my number?"

"I asked Yugi for it awhile ago but never called you," he answered. "And I wanted to talk to you about...about my older brother."

"Seto?"

"Yeah. As you may have noticed, he's been a bit...quiet since he got out of the hospital."

"Uh-huh. I've seen him a couple of times, but he hasn't said a word to me. Aren't his vocal cords healing up properly?"

"Actually, his vocal cords are fine. It's just...he's stopped talking."

I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. So Seto was really restricting himself from talking to others... I had half wanted to hear Mokuba say it was the doctor's fault or that something wasn't healing properly. I don't know why, but it crushed me hearing that statement. "But why, Mokuba? Why would he suddenly cut himself off from the world like that?"

"Well, I'm trying to figure that out myself. I was wondering if you had any ideas?"

"Nope."

"Oh, okay. Have...you said you've seen him several times after the hospital?"

"Yeah. I visited him, just like you told me to. But I—"

"And he didn't say anything to you?"

"No, he didn't. I just—"

"When did you see him?"

I stared at my phone, confused, before putting it back to my ear. "What's the deal, Mokuba? Why are you questioning me about your brother like this?"

"Because I'm worried about him, Joey." The way he said that made me shiver slightly. If Mokuba was _this_ worried about Seto, there was obviously more to the story than I had originally thought. "Joey, when did you see my brother?"

"I...I saw him twice. Once during the day while he was sleeping, and once at the beach."

"The beach? What was he doing there?"

I blinked. Mokuba didn't know about Seto going to the beach? Maybe that was the first time he went there. I figured it was something that occurred often. "Just laying there. I think he was relaxing."

"And what about the first time?"

"Yeah. He was sleeping, so I..." I thought about waking him up, the whole episode replaying in my head, and said, "...I let him sleep."

"You saw him having a nightmare, didn't you?"

I gulped and slowly nodded my head even though I knew he couldn't see me. "Yeah..."

I heard him sigh over the phone. "I knew he was still having nightmares. He wouldn't talk about it, but I figured just as much."

He was _still_ having nightmares? "Mokuba, what's going on?" I asked, my voice suddenly sounding serious. "How long has he been having nightmares? Why have you been asking me so much about him when I know basically nothing about the situation? In fact, why did you ask _me_ of all people to visit your brother more often?" I realized how angry I must've sounded, which was far from the truth, and let out another sigh. "Sorry, I just—"

"No, you deserve the truth," Mokuba interrupted, his voice quite a bit softer. I heard him sigh again as well. "Seto...when we were adopted, Seto was beaten pretty badly by our step-father on numerous occasions. He said it didn't happen that often, but I knew it happened weekly, if not daily. I don't know how bad the damage was, but from what I've seen when he sleeps, it must've been pretty brutal."

"He was dreaming about...about being...beaten?" I stuttered, not believing what I was hearing. I never thought of Seto having a horrible life. A bad one, maybe, but never being abused. Never being...beaten.

Then I blinked. Noa's world...that crazy, psycho-ass man..._that _had been his step-father?! Well, now it made sense.

"Yeah, and after all these years, he still thinks about Gozaburo constantly," Mokuba continued. "But while Gozaburo, our step-father, was around, he just tortured Seto to death. But one day...Gozaburo came home in an extremely bad mood." I heard him take in a big breath of air and cringed slightly. If Mokuba found it hard to remember, I could only imagine what Seto thought of the memory. "Seto started talking to him, and Gozaburo just beat the living hell out of him. He just kept telling him to be quiet, to never speak again...that our parents shouldn't have even taught him how to speak. It was...really terrible. Seto didn't speak for two years after that."

My heart froze. _Two years_? "So this isn't the first time he's been silent," I observed aloud.

"Right. But I don't want him being silent for another two years, Joey. He _can't_ be silent for another two years."

"But Mokuba...what would've triggered that?"

"I'm not sure, but like I said, I'm trying to figure it out. Joey...I know he likes you as company. I know he likes hanging out with you. That's why I asked you to help me out with this. I think Seto... I think he seriously needs somebody to lean on right now. I can't be that person; I just can't. I think you can."

"I...I... Okay," I whispered, placing my hand on my forehead and leaning forward onto the counter. "Yeah, I'll help you out Mokuba. I'll stop by tonight and hang out with him, how about that?"

"That'll be good," Mokuba replied. I could hear a hint of happiness in his voice. I must've raised his spirits. "I'm going to a friend's house tonight anyways, so you two can hang out by yourselves."

"Alright," I said. "And Mokuba?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks...for sharing that, I mean. I know Seto doesn't like it when people learn about his past, and I think I'm beginning to understand why."

"It's no problem, Joey. And thanks for helping me out." I heard the line go dead and turned my phone off before looking at the clock. Five more minutes and I'd be out of here. Five more minutes until I went over to his place...

...but all I could think about was Seto being silent...for two years.


	14. Chapter 14

_J Chapter 14 - Begin to Understand J_

I knocked on the bedroom door, making sure not to do anything impulsive this time around. I had already ruined one visit; I didn't think Mokuba would want me to add another check on that list, and I didn't either. To my surprise, I heard movement in the room and eventually saw the doorknob twist and two blue eyes peer out of the crack in the doorway.

"Hey there," I stated, raising my hand as if to wave and smiling at him. He smirked and opened the door wider, however he placed his body in a position that blocked my entrance. "I, um, brought a new video game along. It's the one I brought last time. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out and play it. I'm sure you've been working non-stop all day long, so maybe it wouldn't be that bad to take a break?" God, after being friends with him for two damn years, that's the best I could say?

Two years... He had been silent for the same portion of his life that we had been friends. That put things into perspective rather quickly.

I saw him look back at his computer, then back at me, before shrugging and walking back into his room. I followed him in, trying my best to ignore all the posters staring down at me, and watched him click out of several boxes before shutting down his computer. He turned around in his chair and smirked at me, raising his arms as if to say _There. Happy?_ I was, in a way. I hated seeing him in front of that damn computer all the time. It made him inhuman to me. He always acted more closely to his machines than he did people. Of course, machines couldn't backstab you. They couldn't tell you how horrible of a person you are (whether that is true or not), couldn't hurt you, couldn't...couldn't abuse you.

The idea of Seto being hurt and abused like that made me shiver. I was finally beginning to understand him and his ways. He had always been cold, and I had known he had a hard life, but never could I have guessed what had really happened, and I could only imagine what other skeletons lay in his well-hidden closet. People besides Mokuba seemed to always be out to get him. Maybe being his friend meant a lot more than I had originally thought.

Looking over at him, I saw a confused expression on his face. I decided to play off my sudden trance by saying, "Sorry, I'm just surprised by your room. I never knew you were so into music." There. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't what I had been daydreaming about either. Still, his room did fascinate me.

He sighed and shrugged his shoulders once more before getting out of his seat. He leaned forward slightly, as if to get something, turned back to me, and tossed me something. I caught it and looked down to see a blue iPod. I clicked the center button to see nearly fifty artists come up, some I had heard of and some I didn't recognize. Slipknot, Korn, Arch Enemy, Ozzy...all heavy metal bands. To say I was shocked would be an understatement.

"Wow..." I said after scrolling through everything. "That's awesome." I tossed it back to him, and he caught it with ease and placed it back on the stand. A small smile graced his lips, and I chuckled slightly. "I wouldn't bash on you for your music, if that's what you were expecting." His jaw dropped slightly before he fixed it and allowed a sad smile to grace his lips. He always expected the worst out of people, didn't he?

That was when I noticed his hand for the first time. "Hey...Seto..." He frowned at my sudden change in tone. "Why is your hand bandaged?" He looked down at his hand and smiled back at me. A smile? Why was he smiling? He didn't... "Seto, you didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

He quickly shook his head no, the smile, however, never leaving his face. "Then what happened?" His smile changed into a smirk, and he walked past me towards the bed, where I had placed the video game. He took it out of the bag and began looking it over, as if to see whether he wanted to play it or not. "Hello?" I said in an annoyed tone. "What happened, Seto?" He continued to look at the game, and I finally had enough. Grabbing the game out of his hand, I shouted, "Dammit, Kaiba, what happened?!"

I immediately regretted saying that. His eyes suddenly showed fear, and his entire body seemed to shake as if he had just been hit. It all happened in a split second, for his eyes went from fear to anger, his body going from shaken to tense. But it had lasted long enough for me to register the reaction. I had scared him.

"_I don't know how bad the damage was, but from what I've seen when he sleeps, it must've been pretty brutal."_

He began to walk out of the room, and I ran in front of him and blocked his path out the doorway. "Look, I'm sorry," I said, making sure I sounded calmer. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just...I'm worried about you. You're scaring me with this whole silent treatment, and now you're hurt and aren't explaining why. Just show me what you did, and maybe I can help. Please...Seto?"

I watched his eyes scan my face. I wondered if he thought I was lying about being worried about him, being afraid for him. Grabbing his hand, I placed my fingers between his and smiled up at him, trying to show how honest I was being. That feeling hit my stomach again, but I quickly shook it off. A friend...not a boyfriend.

He looked down at the hand I was holding and sighed before dragging me into the adjacent room, which I had guessed correctly as his bathroom. It was huge to say the least. It was all beige; beige tiles, beige walls. The bathtub, which took up the entire far wall, was a lighter cream color. A shower was beside us with glass doors surrounding it. Walking into the center, I saw a counter with a glass sink in the center. Above it was a mirror...at least, the remains of one.

Eyeing the nearby trash can, I saw bits and pieces of the mirror inside. I glanced down at his hand, which was still holding mine, before looking up at him. He was smiling at the broken mirror, as if it was a competitor he had just beaten at Duel Monsters. "You punched the mirror, didn't you?" I asked. He didn't give an answer, just continued staring at it. I walked in front of him and placed my hands on his shoulders. "Why did you do it?"

He looked down at the floor before closing his eyes. "Why did you do it?" I asked, this time a bit louder. He glared up at me but did or said nothing. "Seto, keeping it inside you isn't helping. It's not helping Mokuba, it's not helping me, and it's certainly not helping you. Why did you do it?" My voice, though soft, held demand in it, and I think he recognized that, for his eyes widened slightly before returning to their signature glare. He shook his head no, indicating he wasn't going to talk about it.

I bit my bottom lip and felt him move again my hands, which were still holding onto his shoulders. Instead of letting go, I tightened my grip and looked him straight in the eyes. "Seto, I'm not going to let you hurt yourself like this anymore. You need help, whether you like it or not, and you're going to deal with me being your help, you got that? I'm not going to let you be silent for years to come. I'm not going to let you keep punching mirrors and cutting yourself up at night. I'm going to help you get through this, you understand me?"

The only sound in the room was our heavy breathing. He just stared at me, eyes wide, a look of shock and disbelief in his face. He searched my face once more, and I welcomed the challenge. "_Try to make it look as though I don't care about you. If you find the slightest hint, tell me and I'll change it._" He must have been satisfied, for he smiled and slowly nodded his head before walking back out of the bathroom. I took one last look at the broken mirror before following him out to the bedroom, where he was picking the video game up and waving it in his hand at me. I smirked and nodded my head in understanding, and we both went downstairs to play in the game room.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Author's Note: I just wanted to take the time out to thank you guys once again for all the comments I've received thus far. It's really greatly appreciated and pushes me to do this in the first place. Thanks a lot, everyone!**_

_S Chapter 15 - Midnight Tea S_

I woke up shivering slightly but not from the cold. At least I wasn't crying this time around. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh before slowly pushing myself up and looking over in the direction of my nightstand. Instead I saw the television from the game room. What the...?

Oh, yeah... I smirked at my stupidity and laid back down on the couch. Joey and I had been playing video games when he fell asleep during one of our many battles. I had turned the game system off and fallen asleep soon afterwards. He was sleeping on the floor, and I was sprawled out on the couch. I was surprised my back wasn't killing me from the difference in sleeping conditions.

Smiling at the thought of last night, I closed my eyes and remembered how we had literally played video games for seven hours straight. It was a constant battle with him; he always wanted a rematch, never admitting that I was superior to him when it came to video games. He just constantly wanted to keep playing until he passed out from tiredness, and I eventually caved in as well. It was...fun. I chuckled; fun was certainly a word that was rarely used in my life. I didn't want to admit it, but Joey was making it difficult to keep silent. He obviously knew that keeping my mind off of Gozaburo was the way to go, and he did a damn good job at doing so.

Speaking of which... I looked down at the floor, expecting to see Joey's contorted, sleeping figure, only to see the light-brown wooden floor. I had specifically designed this room to be as comfortable as possible; the walls were a dark maroon with the light-brown wooden floor, and all the furniture was different shades of brown and red. It was a peaceful room, which would be needed with Mokuba's video game habits. He often got pissed off, and I noticed how the surrounding actually helped with that. But now, staring down at the floor, I realized Joey wasn't there.

I figured he went to the bathroom and looked over at the clock on the wall. 1:30...I had only slept an hour and a half! Dammit! Now I was wide awake and didn't want to go back to sleep. It hadn't been one of my worse moments, but a nightmare was a nightmare, and I didn't feel like going back and visiting it. But it was only 1:30 in the morning, and I knew there was no way I could function the next day...well, later today...with an hour and a half of sleep under my belt. Shit...

That's when I heard it. My head jerked up; my body became extremely tense. Was that...footsteps? Was Joey coming back, or did somebody sneak into my house? No, there was no way. I had state-of-the-art security around my house for a reason. After being attacked so many times in my life, I had become quite intelligent in the ways of security. I wasn't being paranoid; I was being smart.

So then who was it? I held my breath, trying to think of who it could be, when I saw Joey walking into the room holding something in his hands. I squinted, hoping to get a better look, when he looked up and jumped slightly back. "Shit, don't scare me like that!" he exclaimed, his eyes looking widely at me. I chuckled and slowly sat up, watching him set down two cups onto the glass coffee table. "So...I see you woke up."

I rolled my eyes and nodded my head, thinking how great of an observation that was. He handed me one of the cups, and I felt the warmth emitting from it. "It's tea," he explained, and I smiled slightly as I took a sip. I loved tea...next to coffee. It didn't have the caffeine kick I enjoyed from coffee, but it tasted good all the same. Setting it back on the table, I watched him take a big gulp and set his down as well. He looked over at me and smiled. "I'm glad you're awake... I didn't want to have to wake you up again." I arched my eyebrow in confusion. "You were talking in your sleep again," he said, making me cringe. Shit... "I made some tea, hoping it would calm you down when you woke up. I guess you're already awake, though, so I hope you like it."

I took another sip of my tea and held it in my hands. What had I said? Why didn't he wake me up first and foremost? Was he waiting for me to wake up on my own? Maybe he didn't want me to be pissed off at him like I was last time. I looked down at my tea, waiting for him to say something, anything, but surprisingly nothing came. I sipped my tea once more and closed my eyes, leaning back into the couch.

So... I spoke yet again in my sleep. I should really get that checked out. In fact, I probably should have medication for this by now, especially with how bad it was becoming. But I didn't, and now I had to learn to deal with it. I always got along without medication, whether it was for my dreams or for pain. Of course, Gozaburo would never give me meds after a beating; what would be the point of that? No, I had learned over time to deal with pain in my own ways, and I would deal with this in my own way as well.

I jumped at a sudden touch and quickly looked over to see Joey sitting beside me, staring at me intently. Did I do something? No, he looked...worried? I quirked an eyebrow and finished my tea off before leaning forward placing it on the coffee table in front of us. Looking back over at him, he was still staring at me, making me a little uncomfortable. What did I do now?

My breath stopped, however, when I felt his hand reach up and begin to rub my back. It felt nice, but it was...awkward, to say the least. I shivered slightly, and he immediately stopped. "Does that...hurt?" he asked, looking down in confusion at me. I shook my head no, and he began rubbing circles in my back. It felt nice, but then why did it feel so...weird?

"Do you want to know...what you said in your sleep?" he asked after a moment of silence. By now my elbows were on my knees, my hands supporting my head, and my eyes closed. I quickly glanced over at him before staring down at the floor. Did I? Did I really want to know what he heard me say? Or did I, for once, want to be ignorant and oblivious, to not know what he knew? No, I had to know. I was never one to leave things to go. Leaning back up (and making him take back in his hand in the process), I sighed and nodded my head.

"Well..." He sighed, and I wondered how hard it was for him to do this. Was it hard? Did he know that I didn't want to hear? He finished off his tea as well and placed it next to my cup. "I...um... Well, you said something along the lines of 'stop' about five times. Then you said...something about something hurting you...before you finally said...you said..." Letting out a heavy sigh, he said, "You said 'I hate myself, okay? Now kill me!'"

I blinked and looked over at him. Sure I remember saying that. I said that on numerous occasions during my stay at Gozaburo's. But Joey...he seemed shocked by that statement. No, beyond shocked. He looked up at me with pleading eyes and said, "That was when... That was when I went to make some tea. I planned on having the tea ready for you when you woke up... I guess my timing was good, for once. You didn't mean that...when you said that...did you?"

Of course I did. He threatened me, abused me...nearly killed me every night. Why wouldn't I beg for death, a welcoming salvation, at a time like that? I nodded my head and waited for his reaction. For him to shout at me for being so ungrateful, a slap to the face... anything out of anger. Every time I had expressed myself, my dreams, and my feelings towards them, they would yell at me. The maid, the butler...even Mokuba at times would call me horrible names or say that I was terrible to think such things about myself or Gozaburo. He had given me a home, given me a great education, and I was an intelligent and worthy kid, they would say. Only when Mokuba later found out what happened behind closed doors did he apologize for everything he ever said. But the rest...they just didn't know.

I didn't receive anything like that. Instead, I felt two arms wrap around me, embrace me, and pull me closer to him. I gasped and quickly looked over to see Joey staring intently into my eyes. "I don't want you to ever think like that again," he whispered, tightening his grasp around me. "I don't want you to hate yourself, to want somebody to kill you. You...Seto..." He seemed at a loss for words and instead chose to squeeze whatever space between us was left out, placing his head on my shoulder. I slowly wrapped my arms around him and placed my head on his shoulder as well, smiling at the outcome. How many times had I thought about wrapping my arms around Joey, embracing him, touching him... And now _he _was the one hugging _me_. I... I loved this feeling. He cared about me, at least a little bit. That much was certain.

Closing my eyes, I felt him begin to rub circles on my back once more. Joey...he was so protective of me without even my asking. His promise to me in the bathroom...how I would have to 'deal' with him being my help...didn't he understand how important that meant to me? I felt the darkness of sleep slowly coming over me as he continued to rub my back, but this time I almost welcomed it, knowing that Joey was there to protect me.


	16. Chapter 16

_J Chapter 16 - Invitation J_

I walked into the store and waved at my friend behind the counter before walking into the back room. I opened my locker up and quickly changed into my work shirt before leaning against the wall and sighing. Last night had been intense...a little too intense for me.

"_I hate myself, okay? Now kill me!"_

I shivered at the memory of hearing him scream that in the middle of the night. Looking up at the ceiling, I remembered him saying that before he began crying. I had crawled over on my hands and knees, making sure to stay quiet, and wiped the tears away before thinking about making tea to calm him down when he inevitably woke up. Seeing him like that had almost made me want to cry. I couldn't bear to see him so broken like that when he couldn't control it. I guess that's why... I guess that's why I got a bit carried away. I would have thought my embrace would be met with anger, but instead he had returned it. Hell, he fell asleep in my arms! I blushed and shook my head at the thought; I could never have believed that, in two years of friendship, I would have become so important to him. Or was I...

I shook my head again and pushed myself off the wall. No, Seto wasn't one to play with a friend's emotions. It had taken me this long to understand what having a friend meant to him, and learning that had been the best bit of knowledge I could gain from him, for it put things into perspective. If he did something or said something around me, he meant it.

Argh...that feeling in my stomach returned. I kept telling myself _friend, not boyfriend,_ but my heart and stomach were saying otherwise. That hug could have been my downfall. With that hug, I wanted it to lead to a kiss, but I knew I couldn't do that to him. Not in the broken state of mind he was in.

I jumped at the sudden noise in the room and realized it was my cell phone. Quickly taking it out of my pocket, I smirked in recognition and flipped it open. "Hey man, what's up?"

"Dude, I tried calling you last night!" Tristan exclaimed through the phone. "Where the hell were you?"

"I was...I was Kaiba's place," I answered.

"Kaiba's? What were you doing at Kaiba's?"

The promise...the nightmare... "We just played video games."

"You _just_ played video games?" he asked skeptically. "You, uh, sure you didn't do...anything else?"

I chuckled and said, "Yeah, I'm sure." Tristan had made fun of me for having a crush on Seto since we became friends, and now that that was becoming true, he could read it like a neon sign on me. After years of friendship, Tristan could read me like a book. "_Just like I can read Seto at times..._" I thought.

"Alright then," he replied. "But just be sure to make the first time the best, got it?"

"Dammit Tristan, we didn't have sex!" I exclaimed, praying that my friend outside or any customers didn't hear that. "Now what did you call me about?"

"Hey, hey, nothing wrong with having sex, man," he retorted. "It's just funny imagining you two together. Are you gonna be his little puppy in bed?"

"Tristan, I swear I will get Satan on your ass if you ever say that again." At this point I was hissing, but at least he couldn't see me over the phone, for a huge blush had crept up on my face. Being his little puppy in bed...I could get used to thinking like that.

"Okay, okay, I didn't mean to offend you," he said. "You know I just love to torture you about Kaiba."

"Yeah, I've noticed. Now what do you want?"

"Well, I'm throwing a mock-celebrity party this weekend and wanted to know if you wanted to come over," he explained. "We're all dressing up as celebrities and just hanging out. You don't have to dress like a celebrity, but you have to dress up."

"Why are you throwing a mock-celebrity party?"

"Because my girlfriend just got a role on a new television show!" he nearly shouted through the phone.

I gasped. "No freakin' way!" I shouted back. Tristan's girlfriend, Lista, was a very funny girl with a bubbly personality. She was in charge of the relationship, however, and knew it damn well. She had always wanted to be an actress, so the idea of her hooking up with Tristan made everyone turn heads. After all, Tristan knew he wasn't going to make it big. Sure he was working hard to be a journalist, but dating an actress was a big step. I was shocked when I had met her, for she was the total opposite of what Tristan always said he wanted. She was in charge of the relationship and, with this new role, probably bringing in the bigger paycheck.

"Yeah, dude!" he exclaimed. "And that's not all. I just got signed up with one of the biggest journalist firms in the area! So now that we're finally moving up the career ladder, we thought we would celebrate with, as we like to call it, a mock-celebrity party!"

"Congratulations! That's awesome! Yeah, I'll come over."

"Great. What do you think you'll dress up as?"

"I dunno."

"Well, you better come up with something. Where are you working at? That video game shop still?"

"Yeah, but I'm learning how to actually make them, so hopefully I'll be doing that soon."

"What about the guitar? Didn't you want to play that for the longest time?"

I growled slightly and said, "No. I've put that down for good." I had played electric guitar for years during school, and I loved making up new songs and performing them for Tristan and the group of friends. But after awhile, I just got tired of it, mainly because nobody wanted to make a band with me. That had been my goal in life: to form a band. The only problem with that was that I lacked the friends needed to make it. Well, let me rephrase that...friends with musical talent.

"You'll never put that down for good. You loved that guitar way too much. But I won't pry. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you dress up as one of your favorite video game characters? I'm sure that will work with Lista!"

My eyes widened, and I felt a smile form across my face. "Yeah, that might actually work. Okay, I'll look into it."

"Oh, and one more thing... I want you to bring a friend along. Any friend will do."

"What? Why?"

"We want this to be a big party, and we want everyone to bring a friend along. It has to be somebody outside our group, too. Somebody from work, Kaiba...just somebody."

I smiled and said, "Yeah, I'll find somebody to bring along."

"Alright man. Thanks a lot."

"No problem. And congratulations again on the promotions, the both of you."

"Thanks. It'll be Saturday night at seven. Alright? See you then!"

"See you!" I hung the phone up and thought, "_Now how am I going to convince Seto to go to this?_"


	17. Chapter 17

_S Chapter 17 - Motivation S_

I closed the door behind me and walked over to the nearby wall, leaning against it and letting myself slide down to the floor. I was finally back at KaibaCorp, but I still was refusing to speak to anybody. I sent a message out that morning stating that I would not speak to anybody for as long as I felt necessary, and that those who decided that it was time to jerk-off would immediately get fired for their incompetence. It was about time I went back to work, and everyone seemed kind of happy to see me again, even if it was just me walking down the hallways to glare at them. I guess they enjoyed having me look over their shoulders just to make sure they were doing work.

But I wasn't getting anything done. I just couldn't focus on anything. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Usually I could spend hours working on a single project, my focus solely being on that one particular thing. I never wasted time at work; that wasn't the reason I came to work in the first place. So then why wasn't I getting anything done?

Closing my eyes, I groaned at the headache coming on and began to rub my temples. I hated it when I couldn't focus on my work. It was just like when I was little... I had such an imagination, and whenever I was told to do work, my mind would wonder off. Gozaburo quickly got rid of that, and now it seemed as though that was somewhat returning, if only for today. But I couldn't afford it at this point! I was already behind in my work, and my lack of focus wasn't helping one bit.

"_Goddammit, what's wrong with me?_" I thought miserably. "_I always get work done. Why can't I? I just... I just don't feel like doing it. But I have to! It's my job, for Christ's sake! Why am I even sitting in here in the first place? I should be out in my office, getting work done, and finishing up the projects I have to complete! Why can't I do anything at all?!_"

I looked up to see the bathroom stall and closed my eyes. I was in my private bathroom; nobody would dare enter here without knowing the consequences would be dire at best. I figured maybe some peace and quiet away from the computer would get me to focus more. Instead, I was now trying (and failing) to figure out what was wrong with me.

I began rubbing my temples once again, hoping to subdue the headache that was now pummeling my skull. "_Come on...get up and do some work..._" I kept telling myself over and over again, yet here I stayed, sitting down on the floor of my private bathroom. "_I know better than this! I was taught better than this! I need to get my work done! So why am I sitting here, complaining about doing nothing? Why can't I get up and focus on anything?!_"

Sighing, I slowly went to stand up when I heard a knock on the door. My head jerked up; my eyes widened in shock. Who could that be? Whoever it was, I knew their head would be placed on my mantle at work. _Nobody_ entered my office without my permission.

"Hey Seto...are you in there?" a familiar voice asked. I gasped... what was he doing here? Quickly standing up, I opened the door to see Joey Wheeler smiling at me. "There you are. They said you were up here, but I couldn't find you. I didn't...interrupt anything, did I?" I chuckled and shook my head no before leaning up against the doorframe. "Then what are you doing hanging out in your bathroom, might I be so inclined as to ask?"

I opened my mouth but quickly shut it and shook my head. He wouldn't understand my lack of motivation to do anything. That's the only thing I could think of... that my lack of focus was because of a lack of motivation. I just didn't want to do the work even though I knew I couldn't put it off any longer. "Work finally getting to you?" Joey asked after a moment of silence. I sighed and pushed myself off the doorframe before sitting down on the nearby black couch. Joey followed suit, sitting down next to me.

"You really shouldn't push yourself this hard," he stated, staring intently at me. "I mean, it's your first day back, and already you seem stressed out beyond belief. It's unhealthy for you to push yourself like this."

I shook my head and quickly got up, heading back towards my computer. I needed to do this, even if it meant literally forcing my body to do so. Besides, I didn't need to hear the whole my-life-is-unhealthy speech; Mokuba preached it to me at least once a week. Sitting down in my black, leather chair, I leaned forward to begin typing up the report I had been working on when I felt his hand on my shoulder. Couldn't he just leave me alone?

"What are you working on, anyways?" he asked, looking down to see the computer screen. I put my hands on my temples, feeling the headache becoming worse. Was it because of Joey, though, or because of this work? "Damn, this looks a bit chaotic. You sure you were awake when you wrote this?" Quickly looking up at the screen, I mentally cursed myself. The typing was haphazard, and I could seen trillions of mistakes in it already. Clicking the **delete** button, a fresh page appeared, making me sigh at the realization of having to type that shitty report all over again.

"Seto, you obviously aren't in the right mind-set to be doing this sort of thing," Joey replied, turning my chair around so that I was facing him. "You need a break already. Maybe you should take one...or take a nap, or something." I turned the chair back to face the computer and heard him sigh before walking around the room. I began to type once again, hoping to return my focus to my work, when I saw him place a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. Looking down at it, I glanced up at him before leaning back in my chair and taking a sip of the liquid caffeine which I so desperately needed.

"I have an idea," Joey said after I began drinking the coffee. "I have the perfect plan for us to hang out and for you to chill out. Tristan is holding a mock-celebrity party, where we're dressing up as celebrities or, in my case, popular video game characters. Why don't you come along?"

I immediately stopped drinking my coffee and looked up in confusion at him. Why would he invite me to Tristan's party? Were they that desperate for guests? And why would I want to go to a party? The last time I was at one... I shuddered involuntarily, hoping he hadn't noticed. He didn't seem to, for he continued to explain the whole ordeal. "Tristan wants me to invite somebody over. Apparently him and his girlfriend both got promotions and want to celebrate. His girlfriend is soon going to be an actress, and he thought it would be fun to have this mock-celebrity party. He wants as many people over as possible, which was why he told me to bring somebody else. Come on, what do you say?"

Staring down into my now half-empty cup of coffee, I shook my head no. I didn't like parties and never wanted to be back at one. Joey, however, took one of my hands in his and looked me right in the eyes. "Come on, please," he whispered. "You need to get out more often. This isn't right of you, Seto, and you know it. You need to start getting a social life. I told you I wanted to help you out, and I think going to this party will have some good come out of it. You can dress up as somebody and nobody will recognize you, okay?"

No, I didn't want to go...I didn't want to go...I... I sighed and slowly nodded my head yes. Joey jumped for joy and hugged me, making me nearly spill my coffee. "Thank you, Seto! I promise I'll make sure you have a good time, alright? And be sure to dress up! Tristan said the more you dress up, the more fun you'll have! Come over to my house Saturday night around six. I think he said his party starts at seven. We'll just head over together, how does that sound?"

I slowly nodded my head again, wondering what had really gotten into me and what Joey put into this coffee. I hated parties, hated everything about them. Why was I agreeing to go to this thing? I felt him let go of me and saw him smile down at me. I couldn't help but smile back and quickly covered my face with my hand. I was acting beyond weird today...maybe I really _did_ need a break.

That's when I felt his hand on mine. He took my hand off my face, and I quickly tried to wipe the smile off my face. "You look...pretty when you smile, Seto," he said, staring in wonder at me. Did he really just say that?! I quickly looked over to see him still smiling down at me. "You shouldn't hide it, ya'know? It's nice to see you smile every so often." At least I wasn't the only one acting weird here. Were they testing the water around here?

I watched him walk towards the double doors leading into my office before he turned around and smiled. "Be at my house at six. You know where it is. And don't forget to dress up!" He then walked out of the office, letting the door close shut behind him.

I couldn't believe what had just happened, and now I knew that I would be getting absolutely no work done. E-mailing Stacey, I told her that I had become sick and would be taking off for the remainder of the day.


	18. Chapter 18

_**Author's Note: Joey is going to dress up like Corn from the video game Jet Set Radio Future. For those of you who know who that is, awesome. For the remainder of you who don't, I'm sorry, but I can't figure out a way to post pictures on this damn thing. Just send me a message and I'll send you pictures of the people who Joey and Seto dressed up as. Sorry for the inconvenience, and if somebody could tell me how to post pics on here, that would be amazing. **_

___J Chapter 18 - Fear J_

I had put my hat on and strapped my roller blades tightly, making sure to skate around a bit in them so as not to cause a scene at the party. I loved the video game Jet Set Radio Future, and thought it would be pretty awesome to dress up as the character Corn for the party. Just to stand out, if anything else. Now with my yellow shirt, gray jacket, matching blue pants and hat, and light blue and red roller blades, I definitely looked the part.

Looking at myself in the mirror, I smiled and nodded my head before saying, "That's not actually that bad." I checked my watch to see that it was a quarter to six, which meant Seto would be here in fifteen minutes. Sighing, I skated out into my living room and plopped down on my couch, figuring I could wait the fifteen minutes out.

There were a few moments that I spent with Seto that I knew I would never forget. His nightmare, the promise in his bathroom, finding out what his room was like...and now, the way he reacted to a simple invitation to a party. It was as if I had been inviting him to his execution. He was so adamant about not going, but he had finally caved in after some persuasion. But why didn't he want to go so badly in the first place? In fact, when I had brought it up...he...he had shuddered.

What would make him so fearful of contact like that? That's all a party was, really, just social contact on a higher level. But he couldn't hide the fact that he didn't want to go. Why he changed his mind, I would probably never find out. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if he didn't even know. But now that he was going, it was my job to make sure he would have fun.

I closed my eyes and wondered if he would even do anything besides stand in a corner. I figured Seto wouldn't want to go, which was maybe the real reason I was shocked he was going in the first place. Seto had never been the social butterfly, and now with the silent treatment going on, I figured he would have turned me down. Well, he did at first, but then changed his mind.

My eyes shot open, however, at remembering my talk with Mokuba. The abuse that Mokuba talked about...did that have something to do with it? Did Seto not have a good history with social gatherings? Was that why he hated them so? Maybe he went to a party and got drunk once, or maybe somebody had gotten hurt at a social gathering he went to at one time. So many things could happen at parties, and who knew what Seto was exposed to in his life. Abuse might not have been the only thing his stepfather left Seto with as a reminder of the past.

I sighed at realizing what I may have done to him. What if he had promised himself never to go to another party, and here I was practically dragging him along? No, I needed to make this a positive experience for him. He needed a social life, and I needed to get closer to him. I wanted to be with him, I truly did. His smile...how he had hidden that smile. What was the matter with him? His smile was one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen before! It's a wonder he didn't show it more often, else he would have a trillion fangirls drooling over him. Actually, he already did...

Maybe this whole thing would be good for the both of us. If something bad happened, I would learn what scared him. I had already checked off 'yelling like stepfather at him' on that list, and obviously something about parties bothered him beyond belief. The way he had shuddered at my invitation to him showed something had happened. I had chosen to ignore it, figuring it was a bad time to bring it up. But what happened was the real question. If I could get it somehow out of him at the party, it would bring me one tiny step closer to figuring out who Seto Kaiba was and what I could do to help him.

Man, had I made a mess of things. I had promised him so much already...to help him, to comfort him, and now to give him a good time at one of his most hated places. I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach and heart but just let it sit there. Yeah, I loved him. I would do anything for him at this point, and I was trying too hard at doing so. How had I let things get out of hand like this? I should've just been his friend and helped him out when he needed it. Now I was taking on the role of a parent, something I'm sure he didn't like all too well, and I wasn't fond of it either. I had to talk to him about it sometime. I had to make sure he was okay with my involvement in his life. I didn't want to push him further away from me than he already was.

But not tonight. Tonight I was going to keep my promise.

I jumped at the sound of the doorbell and quickly got up to answer it. Opening the door, my jaw dropped in absolute horror at what stood before me. "No way..." I thought aloud, eyeing him up and down. Sure it was Seto Kaiba, but the only way I could tell was because of his height, his stance, and his hair, which was now dyed black. Seto Kaiba had dressed up, head-to-toe, like Joey Jordison from Slipknot, save for his hair, which was black but still the same cut. _NO fucking way!_

"Your idol, I presume?" I asked in total shock. He shook his head no, and I realized that the mask he was wearing completely covered his face. I couldn't see his expression, his mouth...nothing but his cold, blue eyes. "Then why did you dress like him?"

He shrugged his shoulders and pointed at the mask. A good cover-up for him...but also a reason not to talk to anybody. Well, I'm sure he could talk through the mask, but if he didn't, he could use it as a reason. Clever. I smirked and said, "Good job at picking the outfit out, though. It suits you well, and nobody would ever think it was you wearing it."

He nodded his head in agreement and quickly looked me up and down before stepping out of the way. What, no comments on my outfit? I chuckled and closed the door behind him, locking it tightly before placing the key in my pocket. "Ready to roll out of here?" I asked, hinting the roller blades I was currently wearing. He chuckled at the comment and began walking, and I made sure to skate in front of him. I knew that, whatever happened tonight, I was going to learn more about the mysterious Seto Kaiba. I just hoped it would be something good.


	19. Chapter 19

_S Chapter 19 – My Dream S_

I couldn't believe I was going to this stupid thing. I don't want to know what rocks were in my head when I agreed to this, but I had half-hoped that they would clean themselves out, and I could later refuse Joey's offer. But now it was nearly seven thirty, and we were at Tristan's doorstep. I had to admit that his house was much more than I expected out of him. It looked like a large two-story home with a nice porch out front, two-car garage, and from looking inside through the windows, a very nice layout. Who would have thought that, out of the entire geek squad, _Tristan_ would be earning the most money? Actually, from what Joey said, his wife was.

Tristan opened the door and smiled widely at Joey and me. He obviously didn't know who I was, and I had to smile at this. At least Joey caught onto why I was wearing the mask…

"Hey, thanks for coming!" he exclaimed, quickly giving his friend a big hug before smiling over at me. "And who, might I ask, is this?"

"This is my good friend that you told me to invite," Joey replied as I glared over at him. He better not say who it is, or else I'd have to personally kill him.

"Ah, I see," Tristan replied, eyeing me rather suspiciously before returning his attention to his friend. "Well, come on in!" Joey and I walked inside, and I was glad my mask was hiding my surprise. This was a very nice house Tristan had. "Downstairs is the party room," he explained as we continued walking. "We have karaoke set up along with a dance floor and a video game corner. Upstairs is the kitchen where most of the food is. We have alcohol drinks downstairs."

I gasped but quickly followed behind Joey so as not to cause a scene. Shit… I didn't think they would have it. Joey turned around and smiled at me before Tristan opened the door leading downstairs. I could hear the music blaring and people shouting at each other. What had I gotten myself into?

"Ladies first," Joey said to me, smiling widely. I pushed him down the first stair, and he quickly caught the guard rail. "Alright, alright, tough guy," he replied as he continued walking down the stairs. I followed him and was even more shocked. This wasn't an average basement. The walls were blue, and the flooring was light-colored wood. I could see the bar in the back corner, the karaoke on the far wall, and people huddled around a large television screen in the back next to the bar. I slowly followed Joey around before he turned around and asked, "What do you want to do?"

Shrugging my shoulders, I quickly looked around. Almost everyone at the television set had alcohol, so that wasn't an option. Nobody seemed to on the dance floor, but there was no way in Hell I was dancing, mask or no mask. That's when I saw somebody grab Joey.

"What the hell?!" he shouted, quickly turning around. I chuckled as Yugi smiled up at Joey, dressed as Vivi from Final Fantasy IX (A/N: I do not own Final Fantasy. At all.). "Yugi, what are you doing here?" Joey exclaimed.

"Tristan invited me," he answered, smiling up at Joey before looking over at me, just as Tristan had done. "Who's your friend, Joey?"

"Ah, he's Joey Jordison," Joey replied.

"I can see that. But who is behind the mask?" I glared over at Joey. He better not say…

"Joey, what are you doing here?!" another familiar voice exclaimed. I glanced over to see Tea running over dressed as… Well, I didn't follow celebrities around like they did to each other, so I didn't really know. I would have to congratulate that celebrity, however, in making Tea look the slightest bit sexy.

"Hanging out here," Joey remarked, quickly giving Tea a hug. "How are you doing?"

"Good, good. Same as always. Modeling is going pretty well for me too."

"That's good." I chuckled but was glad the mask covered it. These guys never had an educated conversation going on, did they?

"Nobody's doing karaoke tonight, I see," Tristan stated, suddenly popping up into the group. God, now I was associating with the geek squad. Rocks, get out of my head now!

That's when I saw Joey smirk. "Why doesn't my friend sing for us?" No. He. Didn't.

"That would be awesome!" Yugi exclaimed. "You won't tell us who it is; maybe we'll be able to tell by their voice." No, no, no, no. Joey, why did you do this to me?! I quickly shook my head no.

"Oh come on, man," Tristan said, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You gotta get something started. Once somebody sings, twenty others want to. Besides, half of these people are too drunk to understand what's good singing and what isn't, so don't worry about it. Come on! You can do it!"

I looked around to see them all staring at me with wide eyes. No, I didn't want to do this. But...if I did it, they would never suspect who I really was. Seto Kaiba doesn't sing. That's what Gozaburo used to say…

I growled and quickly walked towards the stage. I could hear Yugi, Tristan, and Tea shouting and cheering me on, and the room got extremely quiet as I walked onstage. Thank Christ for the invention of masks, as I'm sure I was blushing beyond belief. I was used to presenting graphs in front of people, not a song. Sighing, I quickly went through the list when I found the perfect song. "To Die For," by The Birthday Massacre. There, if that didn't send the message to Joey, I don't know what will. Pressing the play button, I turned to face the microphone and chuckled, thinking how ironic of a song to pick when I'm dressed as Joey Jordison. I sighed again when I heard the music begin to play, closed my eyes, and waited for my cue.

_Tighten your tie, boy._

_You're something to die for._

_But don't your hold your breath, now,_

_You're just killing time._

_Tonight you can dream, boy.  
Imagine a whisper._

_If you can keep secrets, then I'll tell you mine._

I smiled as I began singing, feeling the music backing me up. I remember when this was what I craved, what I dreamed of…

_Remember a promise you couldn't hold onto?_

_Though it brings me to tears now,_

_I need you to know._

_Look in my eyes, boy._

_Nothing like yours now_

_It seems that a lifetime is passing us by._

_So open your eyes…_

_This is forever but it won't last long._

_This is a memory that fades away in neverending._

_In the death of all that's long been said and done before,_

_We'll wish that we were something more._

I waited as the music continued playing; I had forgotten about the long pauses in lyrics. I took this time to look out over the crowd. Everyone was either smiling up at me or dancing to it, including Yugi, Tristan, and Tea. That's when my eyes landed on him. Joey. He had a look of utter shock on his face. What…was it that bad? Maybe it was… Hearing my cue, I quickly continued the song.

_Stop wasting time, boy._

_You're late all your life, boy._

_They won't have the patience for someone like you._

_Your memory's fading._

_I'll love you forever._

_I'll try to remember. I'll try to hold on._

_You're standing alone, boy._

_Waiting for dreams, boy._

_Waiting for something to make them come true._

_Don't ever leave, boy._

_I'd miss you too much, boy._

_I'll never forget you as long as I'm here._

I smiled as I finished the song and everyone began to cheer. Yeah, a crowd being proud of what I did for them. That used to be the dream…my dream.

I walked off the stage as the song closed to hear everyone clapping my name. Just as Tristan said, however, at least five people sprang up to be next. Walking over to Joey, I smirked with the knowledge that he couldn't see it and crossed my arms over my chest. He was still in shock, however, making me frown. What did I do wrong? His mouth was wide open, and his eyes were as big as saucers. What was wrong?

"_He's just a friend, nothing more, and I never will ask him out!"_

Oh shit… He probably realized the message of the song. Suddenly I wanted to crawl into a hole and rot in it. How could I have been so stupid?! This was why I didn't speak anymore, for Christ's sake! To stop causing problems. And here I just sang a song and caused more! Shit, shit, shit! He probably didn't even want to look at me anymore! I quickly turned my head to the side, hoping he would get the message to just ignore me.

"Alrighty then!" Tristan shouted as he ran over to us. I hadn't realized he left. "Drinks for everyone on account of Joey's friend's amazing singing ability!" My head shot up for two reasons. One, they liked my singing? Two, alcohol. I saw him pass the drinks out, and I quickly waved my head to refuse the offer. I would never drink alcohol. Not after his parties…

"Oh, come on man!" he said, coaxing me with the cup full of alcohol. "One little drink isn't going to harm you! Just try it; maybe you'll like it!" I quickly shook my head again and bit my bottom lip. No…didn't he understand I didn't want it?

"You can just have a sip," Yugi said. "How about this…drink one little sip of it, and then we won't bug you for the rest of the night?"

Didn't they understand the meaning of NO?! That was it. I had already caused a problem with Joey, and now they were forcing me to drink alcohol…just like…he did. No, I had to get out of here. Now.

Seeing the staircase in the back, I walked away from them and up the stairs into the kitchen. Several people were eating and talking in a back table, but I ignored their stares and quickly walked outside. Shit, it was raining… I looked around for a place to stay, just to get my thoughts together, before my driver could pick me up. I'm sure Joey didn't even want to look at me let alone walk home with me. Seeing the nearby park, I figured it was as good a place as any and began walking in the pouring down rain.


	20. Chapter 20

_S Chapter 20 - Everywhere S_

_The chandelier lit up the entire ballroom as guests gathered and formed groups, discussing different businesses and plans for rebuilding/construction. Most were talking about the current battles going on and the weapons used...all supplied by the same man. The man that had hosted the party in the first place, who they all looked up to as one of the most renowned and esteemed CEO's in the world._

_Gozaburo Kaiba._

_I was shoved into the ballroom, dressed in a white tuxedo and red tie, wondering what on earth I was going to do. It had been three months since I had become silent, and Gozaburo realized how hard he was going to have to work to get me to speak again. So shoving me into the room, I looked around and blushed slightly. I never felt just right at parties, especially ones with lots of people there. People...people were dangerous, and I didn't like associating with them. And at this rate, after three hours of partying, they were all probably drunk as well. The only person I wanted to be with was upstairs in the other wing, sleeping and completely oblivious to the goings-on that night. Mokuba... How lucky you are to still be innocent... _

_I felt another shove and quickly glared back at Gozaburo, knowing full well he wouldn't harm me during the party. No, the beating (should there be one) was always afterwards, behind closed doors. But now was not the time to be thinking of these things. No, right now it was time to wear the mask of perfection, of the orphaned-boy-turned-future-CEO of KaibaCorp, the biggest and most powerful military company in the world. _

_I began meandering around the large ballroom, hoping to get lost in the crowd, when I saw a friend from another company waving at me. I smiled but quickly hid it; Gozaburo always said my smile was not only a sign of weakness, but utterly horrifying. He ran over to me and said hello, but I quickly walked away, hoping he got the message. I hated doing that to him, but I couldn't talk to him...or rather, I didn't want to...I didn't want to talk to anybody tonight._

_That's when I saw it. A large table, full of beverages of all sorts. I knew what they were, though. They were all different alcoholic beverages. I saw people grabbing different drinks and went to walk away when Gozaburo walked over to the table, looked over at me, and beckoned me to come over. Being his new, obedient son, I was forced to come over, as if some magical force was pulling me over. Heh, there was...the force of knowing a future beating would occur had I not. _

_Walking over to him, I saw a couple next to him smiling down at me. The woman pat my head like I was a newly-trained house pet and smiled down at me. "We heard you've been quite naughty for your new father recently, Mr. Seto Kaiba," the woman said, waving her finger at me. I wanted to glare at her so badly, but I quickly made sure to keep my eyes fully open and look as though I was interested in her conversation. "We hear you haven't been speaking recently. What's wrong, Seto dear?"_

_Dear? Seto Dear? What was that all about? "He won't talk to you," Gozaburo replied, sneering down at me. "Of course I adopted one of the stupid ones."_

"_He should come around eventually, shouldn't he?" the woman asked, patting my head once more, and this time ruffling my hair up a bit. I brushed her hand away and rubbed my eyes to wake myself up. It was nearly one in the morning, and I had school the next day! _

"_What, is he tired?" the husband of the woman asked, looking down suspiciously at me. I shook my head no and smiled up at them, the most fake smile I could ever imagine appearing on my face. _

"_Heh, maybe this will wake him up," Gozaburo stated before splashing his drink of wine right in my face. It burned my eyes, and I wiped it away as the sound of laughter filled my ears. After my face was cleaned off, I glared up at Gozaburo once more when I looked over at the couple. They weren't the only ones laughing, as several other couples came over to see what the commotion was. How was this humorous to them? Were they that drunk, or that cruel? _

"_Now why are you tossing your drinks at him, Mr. Kaiba?" another man asked from behind me. _

"_I'm trying to wake him up," Gozaburo explained. How was that a good reason? _

"_Isn't he prepared for the extravagant parties he'll be hosting once he becomes CEO?" a woman questioned. _

"_He will be soon, don't you worry about it," Gozaburo stated. "As for now, it looks like we have to keep him awake."_

"_How about this?" the butler asked, and my eyes shot open. The butler was one of the cruelest men on the planet, as far as I knew. Only the maids were nice to me. But no, he was cruel, crueler than Satan himself. What was he planning on–_

_Then I felt it. Glass hit the side of my face, the alcohol burning into the newly formed cuts. I gasped and cried out in pain, falling on the ground and clutching the side of my head for dear life. Laughter filled the room, laughter at my pain, my blood dripping the floor, the alcohol feeling as though it would burn my entire face off. That...that bastard threw a glass of wine at my face! And everyone was laughing about it! _

"_Aww, looks like he's crying," the second man said. "Maybe you should send him to the doctor, Mr. Kaiba?"_

"_No, I just want my butler to send him to bed. He's obviously too weak to stand at this point. Pathetic, really. You would think that, with all I've given him, he'd be more grateful of me."_

_Grateful? Grateful?! For being abused and tormented and...and...hated? I just stared at the floor, their laughter filling my ears, the alcohol burning into my skull. I promised myself I would never go to another party ever again. Never, not even under punishment of death. No, death was better than being put on show for people who wanted you dead to begin with. Nothing was worth this sort of humiliation...this treatment...this punishment..._

The rain was coming down heavy and fast, soaking through my outfit, and I took the Joey Jordison mask I had bought at a concert off my face, staring into its empty holes used for eyes. I had promised myself for a reason never to go to another party, and look at what happened! I had made an utter fool out of myself! I threw the mask into the ocean out of anger and sighed, listening to the rain fall all around me.

I was at the beach, sitting on the edge of a rock jutting out of the hill near the ocean. I had been sitting here for the past half hour, figuring that Joey was still at the party, having the time of his life. My tears began mixing in with the rain, but I didn't care. I didn't care about anything. I literally wanted somebody to plunge a knife into my very being, my very soul, and crush me into tiny bits.

He was everywhere...that bastard Gozaburo showed up everywhere in my life. There was no way I could live a normal life like this. I wanted to so badly, but...if I couldn't even hang out with others without past phobias popping up and shattering my mind, making me take rash and irrational actions (like running out into the rain and sitting in it for a half hour), then how was I supposed to change? There seemed to be no end to this...this corruption that Gozaburo put into me. It was everywhere.

I shivered at the memory and involuntarily reached up and caressed my cheek. I would never forget that burn, that ungodly burn that turned me against the world for good. Their laughter at me...it was something I never wanted to remember. But being at that party had brought out feelings that I had long since forgotten, as I never kept alcohol anywhere near the mansion, and burned my common sense to a crisp, forcing me to leave. I wonder what Joey thought...

That's when I felt it...two arms wrap around my shoulders and onto my chest. I gasped and quickly went to stand up when I heard a familiar voice whisper in my ear, "It's okay. I'm here now."

I couldn't control myself anymore, and I shook as my tears continued to fall. Joey... how had he known I'd be here? I felt him tighten his grasp on me, and I leaned back into him, not caring what he thought of me at this point. Weak, pathetic, a loser...I didn't care. I just wanted somebody...anybody...why was I feeling like this all of a sudden?

I heard him shush me as he gently stroked my hair. "It's okay, Seto. I'm here. Come on, we need to go home. You're soaked through. I would've thought with how intelligent you were, you would know not to sit out in the rain."

What was this? No words of hatred, of disgust at the song I had sung for him? For running away on him? Nothing? What was going on? But I slowly stood up with his help, as my clothes were literally a second skin on me at this point, and felt him grab onto my hand tightly. I looked over at him, and he was smiling at me. A genuine smile.

"I'll take you to your mansion. I promised you a good time and failed. Now I'm going to make sure I keep my first promise, which was to help you through this. So come on, and let's go home." He began skating forward, but slowly so that I could keep up with him, his hand never leaving mine. We walked a few steps before he turned around and faced me, a smile still on his face, his eyes warm and inviting in this cold weather. "Just make a promise to me? Never scare me like that again. I knew you would be here since your past behavior proved such, but it still worried me. I...I don't know what I'd do if I broke my original promise to you, Seto." He wrapped his arms around me again and said, "Don't leave me like that again."

Shocked by his behavior, I did the only thing that came to mind. I wrapped my arms around him as well, the rain pouring down on the two of us, and felt the power of his promise between us. He kept Gozaburo away...Gozaburo, who was everywhere in my life, was being shielded away from me by the shield known as Joey Wheeler. He promised me this and so far had kept it. Breaking the hug, Joey backed up and smiled up at me. "Now let's get you out of this rain. You look like death!" I chuckled a sad chuckle at his comment and continued following him back to the mansion, the last of my tears falling with the continuing raindrops coming from the sky.


	21. Chapter 21

_J Chapter 21 - Everywhere Part II J_

I could feel Seto becoming heavier against me as we walked up the driveway towards his mansion. I don't know how long he was outside, but from what I felt from his clothing, he had been out the entire night. I figured he would have gone home after running away from the party, but after giving Mokuba a quick call, I realized this to be false. Which meant that he had been at the beach...exactly where I found him. But being outside in the pouring down rain wasn't good for anybody, even someone like Seto Kaiba, and it was quickly taking its toll on him. He had nearly passed out during our walk, and the only way he made it this far was by placing his arm around my shoulders.

We made it to the front door, and he pulled out the key and slowly opened it. Walking into the main foyer, I asked him if he could stand on his own, and he nodded his head. I slowly unwrapped him around me, as the both of us were sticking together from the dampness of our clothing, and shut the door behind us before taking my jacket off and tossing it onto the nearby chair. Mokuba asked if he should stay home, as he was visiting a friend's house this weekend, but I told him Seto would be fine with me. That left the two of us alone.

I looked over at him to see him just standing in the center of the room, shaking slightly and dripping onto the floor, just staring up at the chandelier hanging from the ceiling. I felt horrible for how the night had turned out. I had been wrong; nothing good had come out of the situation. Seto had panicked and left, and I had been miserable the moment he left the party and decided to look for him after my phone call to Mokuba. Now he was shivering and soaking wet because of my invitation. I shook my head, however, and smiled over at him. He had gone, and I had learned what it was he was afraid of. I remembered his reaction, and I probably will for the rest of my life. The way he reacted to the alcohol...it was like a small child being coaxed into eating a spider. Utter disgust with a hint of fear.

I frowned, however, when I saw a sudden change in his stance. "Hey, you okay?" I asked, walking up next to him. His eyes were still staring up at the chandelier, but they seemed half-glazed over, as if he was seeing something other than what he was looking at. Then I noticed it again. His body moving slightly forward. He was swaying. "Seto, come on," I stated, grabbing his arm to steady him. "You need to go to bed." That's when I noticed his eyes. Were they... No, it couldn't be...

Tears began falling down his face, and as his eyes closed, his body fell forward. I wrapped my arms around his waist to keep him from hitting the floor and yelled, "Seto, wake up! Come on, man, what's wrong?!" But he was out cold, two tears slowly making their way down his cheeks. I wiped them away, feeling the heat emitting from his face. Sighing, I put his arms over my shoulders and carried him upstairs to his bedroom, feeling the water from his clothing seep into my already-wet clothing.

Once we reached his room, I figured he couldn't sleep on the bed with the clothing he was wearing and walked into the bathroom. I wondered what his reaction would be if he woke up to me undressing him but immediately dismissed the thought. Setting him down on the bathroom-tile flooring, I put my hand up to his forehead to feel it burning underneath. He had given himself a fever, and a bad one from the looks of it. All I could do was stare in wonder at him, his seemingly-lifeless body hunched up against the wall, his head hanging like a rag doll's head. He looked so weak, so...so pathetic. I hated myself for using that word with him and decided on a better, albeit still depressing, one: lost.

"Don't worry, Seto," I whispered, brushing a few wet strands of hair out of his face. "I'll take care of you. I promised you I'd take care of you, and I've already broken one promise. I'm not going to break another." Grabbing a nearby towel, I slowly and carefully dried his hair out and unzipped his outfit, sliding it off of him (which was challenging since it literally stuck to his skin), leaving him in only black, silk briefs and a white undershirt. I blushed slightly but shook my head; this was _not_ the time to be thinking those thoughts. I placed the wet clothing in the bathtub and went to take the undershirt off when I noticed a hint of a scratch on his stomach.

"What the...?" I thought aloud, slowly lifting the shirt up over his head and gasped, letting the shirt drop out of my hand. There had to have been at least five scars across his chest, some small and some large. I ran my finger over one of them and felt tears threatening to surface. "_Who did this to you, Seto? What monster attacked you like so?_"

"_I don't know how bad the damage was, but from what I've seen when he sleeps, it must've been pretty brutal."_

His step-father...that bastard that had torn Seto's life apart piece by piece...had the nerve to defile his son's body along with his mind?! A sudden burst of rage forced tears down my face, and I grabbed his shoulders and whispered, "Seto, you don't deserve this. You never deserved this..."

That's when I thought I heard something. I gasped and looked up to see Seto's eyes, still half-glazed over, staring down at the floor. "Jo...ey..." he said, his breathing becoming heavy. He...he talked?! "Don't...leave...me...Jo...ey..." He wasn't really seeing me, but he knew I was here. "They...I don't...want any...why don't...you under...stand?"

Doesn't want any? I blinked at remembering the party. The alcohol...was he still thinking about that? I wrapped my arms around his cold body and pressed his head against my chest. "It's okay, Seto," I said, slowly rubbing his back and feeling the scars beneath my fingertips. "There's nobody hear forcing you to do anything. I'm here now; nothing's going to hurt you." I realized that I was seeing what Seto had locked away from the rest of the world at this particular moment in time: his memories, his broken soul. His step-father had corrupted his mind and body to the point of no return. Seto would never live without some memory of that man, and that knowledge was destroying him. But I would be his shield, his support. I would make sure he had a happier future, one without those dark thoughts.

I looked down to see him smile slightly and close his eyes. I soon felt his body become slightly heavier, indicating he had either fallen asleep or passed out, and I let out a sigh of relief. He was really out of it, and it was scaring me to death. Picking him up once more, this time bridal style, I walked back into the bedroom, gently laid him down on his bed, and pulled the covers over him. Feeling his forehead again, I felt the burning sensation and quickly took my hand back. Damn, he was really hot. I laid down next to him after changing out of my wet pants and shirt but decided to steal a pair of pants. I didn't want him to wake up thinking I did something to him; who knows what kind of oblivion would awaken if that happened? Laying down next to him, I began playing with his now-dry, silky, brown hair, remembering the song he had played.

_Tighten your tie, boy. You're something to die for... _

"You sing beautifully," I told him even though he was sleeping. "I...Thank you for singing that song." Maybe something good _had_ happened after all...

...because if that song was a reflection of him, just as music should be...

...then it meant that he loved me.


	22. Chapter 22

_**Author's Note: I just wanted to take a minute out to thank you guys once again for all the comments you have left me. It really inspires me to write, and I appreciate it greatly. Thank you for all your support!**_

_S Chapter 22 - Something to Die For S_

I groaned as I slowly opened my eyes, the sunlight shining brightly into the room from outside. Why was it this sunny already? Was I up later than usual? I went to push myself up when I felt a wave of pain enter my system, making me gasp and lay back down. I wrapped my arms around my stomach and slowly curled up in a ball, a mixture of heat and discomfort hitting my system full-throttle. Why did I feel like this?

I suddenly felt something on my shoulder and looked over to see a hand. I wanted to turn around and see whose it was, but curling up into a ball took away every ounce of energy I had. Besides, it didn't feel threatening. Of course, nobody seems threatening when you first meet them. No, it usually takes awhile for the person to find out where and when to stab you in the back, to throw you away. Then, just when you think you can trust them, they leave you in the dust to rot. I could feel my eyes beginning to close on their own as memories swept over my conscious, memories that I usually only saw when the sun had long since set, when I felt the hand on my shoulder be taken back.

"Seto, are you awake?" a familiar voice asked, yet my world was becoming blurred. This time I felt the entire bed move as somebody laying next to me moved about. Who was there? What had happened last night? I remember...I remember being on the beach, after the party...then Joey. Joey had come and rescued me, had taken me home...and then nothing. What happened? Did I pass out?

My eyes, which had since fallen shut, shot open as I felt a hand brush a few strands of hair out of my face. I saw a beautiful set of brown eyes and smiled at their warmth even if my body felt like it was in an oven. "Seto, how are you feeling?" he asked, and my eyes widened in recognition. It was Joey! What was... Did he stay all night?

I saw him frown and place his hand on my forehead before hissing and taking it back. "You're so warm, Seto...you shouldn't go out in the rain like that," he scolded. The rain? Oh yeah...it was pouring last night. "I think you have a fever. Do you want me to get you something to eat or drink? I'll get you medicine as soon as I get up here."

Slowly shaking my head no, I saw him smile at me and continue playing with my hair. "You scared me last night...but I think you'll be okay. I'm sure you've survived worse than a stupid fever." I chuckled at his words and slowly went to sit up, this time succeeding with only a slight amount of sickness hitting me. Feeling the cold air, I gasped and looked down at chest, expecting to see a shirt, only to see the one thing that made my body ugly. Scars.

I gasped and quickly pulled the blanket up over my chest, glancing over at Joey to see his surprised expression. Looking in the opposite direction, I closed my eyes and suddenly wanted to cry. Nobody should have to see my scars...nobody. They were not only a reminder of the past, but a reminder at my true ugliness. I was an asshole on the inside and scarred on the outside. There was nothing pretty about me.

Feeling a hand on my back, I slowly turned to see Joey sitting on the edge of the bed next to me, smiling sadly at me. "It's okay, Seto," he said in a reassuring voice. "You shouldn't hide yourself just because of what your step-father did. You couldn't help the fact that he was an absolute asshole. Please Seto..." I felt him pinch the end of the blanket and released my hold on it, letting him slowly slide it down back to my lap, revealing my torso once again. I didn't have the energy to fight, not today. I could feel my body covered in a light layer of sweat, and my stomach was still doing its twists and turns, though not as badly as when I had woken up. "Here, let me get you some medicine," he stated. I watched him walk into my bathroom, the bathroom he had promised to take care of me in, only to emerge several minutes later with a cup of water and two pills in his hand. "Take these. They should help." Reluctantly I swallowed the pills, drinking the cold water in the cup as if I hadn't had anything to drink in days.

A moment of silence held between us before Joey sighed and slowly shook his head, his concentration on the floor. "I'm so sorry for taking you to that party," he whispered, sitting back down on the edge of the bed and grabbing my attention as well as my hand. "I didn't know you didn't like the presence of alcohol that much. If I had known, you wouldn't have run off and caught a fever as badly as you did. You wouldn't have spent the night out in the rain, miserable as hell about it. I...I'm sorry."

My eyes widened in shock. He had only wanted to help me...it wasn't his fault he didn't know. Why was he blaming himself for this? I moved myself forward slightly and placed my other hand on top of his, smiling over at him. Didn't he realize how much that meant to me? He was just trying to help me, to protect me...he was keeping his promise to me. That meant so much to me, and now he was apologizing? He had nothing to apologize for. Maybe...maybe it was the same for me.

"However, I _am_ glad we went for one reason," he added, turning around to smile at me. I looked up in confusion at him, and he chuckled. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he placed his head on my shoulder and whispered, "I got to hear you sing."

My song! I gasped at the memory of last night, of singing that song specifically for him to cover up my identity. I wrapped my arms around him as well and set my head down on his shoulder, taking in the comfort he was offering me. "It was so beautiful, Seto. You shouldn't speak anymore...you should just sing."

I felt a blush begin to cover my face as a small smile forced itself on my face. It was...beautiful? A word I didn't even know, and my voice was it? Was he serious? "Just one question, Seto. Did you sing that song...for me?"

I gasped; it was now or never. The moment I had been dreading...the day I revealed my feelings to Joey. Feelings from on the beach returned to me in an instant, and I tightened my grip on him. No, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I was supposed to happily ask him out, to be comfortable and full of confidence. It was supposed to be when we were having fun, just hanging out, just knowing that perfect moment. No, this wasn't the perfect moment. I was sick, and Joey was offering me comfort because I was too weak to comfort myself. Why couldn't anything turn out well in my life?

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I slowly nodded my head against his shoulder and waited for the backlash. Him pushing me away, yelling at me, scolding me...anything. But nothing came. Nothing that I expected, anyway. Instead, I saw him out of the corner of my eye turn his head and slowly lean forward. My breath caught in my throat, and my eyes widened as I felt his soft lips touch my cheek. Was he...kissing me?

Just as quickly as it had occurred, however, his lips left my cheek, and I felt him tighten his grip around me as well. "You wonder why I promised to take care of you, Seto? It's because I didn't want to see you hurt anymore. It tore me up inside, seeing you silent and sullen. Seto, I...love you."

"_He's just a friend, nothing more, and I will never ask him out!"_

"_I'm sorry that I barged into your room like that."_

"_Seto, you didn't hurt yourself, did you?"_

"_Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just...I'm worried about you."_

"_I don't want you to hate yourself, to want somebody to kill you."_

"_You look...pretty when you smile, Seto. You shouldn't hide it, ya'know? It's nice to see you smile every so often."_

"_Seto, I...love you."_

The past several weeks played over in my mind, all leading up to the two of us now hugging each other in my bed, my body feeling weak from the self-inflicted fever. Joey...he...loved me? He actually loved me as I loved him? He wanted to be around me, not just to babysit me, but because he actually cared about me? He didn't want to see me hurt, just as I didn't want to see him hurt.

I felt him let go of me and saw him smiling down at me. Feeling a hot drop of water fall down my cheek, I touched it and gasped to see a tear. Why was I crying? I wasn't sad, was I? No, definitely not. But then...why? "I'm going to go make us some breakfast," he said, interrupting my thoughts and reaching forward to wipe the tear away. I looked up at him, smiled, and slowly nodded my head. He leaned forward once more, and this time I sealed the air between us and pressed my lips to his. God, did it feel so perfect, so right. I wanted it to last forever, to forget all the horrible things in my life and just live with Joey next to me.

He backed away and smiled at me before getting up and leaving my room. I smiled down at my bed and realized how effective the song I had sung really was. I touched my lips with the tip of my finger, closed my eyes, and whispered, "Tighten your tie, boy. You're something to die for."


	23. Chapter 23

_J Chapter 23 - The Reason J_

I looked down at him and slowly moved a strand of hair out of his face, smiling as he tried to prevent a smile appearing on his own. He hadn't eaten much at breakfast even though I had cooked nearly twenty pancakes (he didn't seem surprised since he knew I eat a lot), but I knew he was feeling ill, so I let it slide. I could tell he was feeling slightly better, however his temperature was nearly 102, so I had convinced him to go back to bed instead of going to work like he had planned. He really pushed himself too hard at times...

So now we were lying in his bed, the sun shining in through the windows at us, with me sitting against the headboard and his head in my lap, eyes closed, laying sideways so that his feet were nearly on the edge of the bed. He really did look beautiful with the sun shining on him. God, how that one critical moment felt to me. It had taken every ounce of willpower in me to just confess to him how I felt, and my heart had literally almost leapt through my chest when he admitted, albeit indirectly, feeling the same way. That song...He had used that song to communicate to me his feelings. Who would have thought that Seto Kaiba was a romantic?

I watched as he took in a large breath of air and slowly exhaled before opening his blue eyes. He hadn't said anything since this morning, and I didn't know whether he would start speaking again or not. I had half-hoped that admitting my feelings for him would reverse the process, but I wasn't sure if it had or not. Brushing another strand of hair out of his face, he glanced over at me and whispered, "You don't have to do that, you know?"

I gasped and smiled widely before stating the obvious: "You talked."

He blinked as if he didn't realize it before smiling slightly and turned his head to face the window. "I guess I did..."

"You should more often," I commented, placing my hand in his. He frowned at this, however, and quickly looked over at me.

"Why?" he asked, his eyebrows knit together slightly.

"'Why?'" I repeated, shocked that he would say that. "What do you mean, 'why'? You were given a voice, Seto, and a beautiful one at that. You shouldn't let it waste away."

He chuckled and shook his head as if to say no. "I don't have a beautiful voice."

I wanted to strangle him for saying that. "Of course you do!" I exclaimed, making him quickly look over at me in surprise. "Seto, your singing talent is amazing! You...Why don't you sing more often?"

At this, he laughed. "Me? _Sing_? Yeah, like anybody would want to hear me singing..."

"I do..." He blinked again in surprise and quickly shook his head no.

"Sorry, that's not an option for me."

"Then why don't you talk anymore? I actually miss the sound of your voice, of hanging out with you and talking with you. I miss discussing things with you over dinner or a snack. I just...I miss your voice, Seto."

"You shouldn't."

Those two words broke my chain of thought, and before I could think of what I was doing, I quickly moved my legs and pinned him down on the bed, straddling his stomach and glaring him down, my face inches away from his, my hands right above his shoulders. I could see the fear in his eyes, but it wasn't registering in my mind. "How dare you say something like that, Seto!" I shouted, my body shaking with anger and...sadness? "You have a beautiful voice, and it's true! I'm not just lying to you, okay? You need to start speaking again, for your sake as much as Mokuba's and mine! We miss you, Seto! Don't you get it?! Why did you even go silent in the first place?! One day you were fine, the next you were refusing to speak a word! What happened, Seto?! I want to know! I won't let you be silent for another two years!"

His eyes widened at this statement, and I realized what I had just said too late. He now knew that I knew about him having this condition in the past. I calmed my body down but refused to move. He was answering my questions. I wouldn't let him get off the hook just because I fucked up my speech. "How do you–"

"Mokuba," I answered, my voice much quieter now. "He told me. He wanted me to help you out."

Seto's eyes narrowed, and he asked in a cold voice, "Oh, so you're just doing this because he asked you too, then?"

"No! I love you, Seto, don't you understand?! I just wanted to know what was going on...so that I could help you."

I watched as his eyes slowly widened, as if my words were sinking in. Finally, he sighed and asked, "Do you...do you really love me?"

"Yes."

"Then I stopped talking...because of you."

My heart seemed to sink into my stomach. "Because of...me?"

"I had heard your conversation before the doctor checked up on me that morning," he explained, his eyes now staring intently into mine. "I was going to ask you out a few days before the incident but couldn't get myself to, so I went to the beach to ponder it over, when I was attacked. When I heard...when I heard you say that you would never go out with me, I figured I would go silent for maybe a day or so, just to think it over. But then...I began thinking about him." He took in another large breath of air and slowly sighed, but it didn't bother me. I knew who he was talking about, and I definitely knew it wasn't his best subject. As long as I got the answer, he could take as long as he wanted to.

"He hated my voice," he continued after a moment of silence. "He absolutely despised it. He...He'd beat me for just speaking to him he hated it so much. He always told me I should never speak, that I wasn't worthy of speaking. And then, after one particular beating, I had just had enough. I decided never to speak again, and that "never" lasted two years. But...when I heard you talking with your friends, it brought those memories back. I couldn't believe what a fool I had been, and I couldn't imagine the humiliation asking you out would bring me. After that, it was just a constant memory after memory hitting me, reminding me of Gozaburo's remarks on my voice. I figured it would be the best to stop talking altogether, but...for some reason, I feel it's okay to speak around you. At least now I do."

All I could do was stare in awe down at him. Not only because I was to blame for this, but I was in shock at all the pain he had been through, not just physically but mentally as well. He had such doubt and self-loathing built inside of him that it was eating away at him, keeping him from enjoying life. He couldn't ask me out because of this, and after hearing the argument I had had with Tristan that morning, it's a wonder he still even liked me. And I could only imagine how hard it was for him to just tell me all of this. "I...I'm sorry," I whispered, cupping his cheek with my hand. "I'm so sorry about that. I didn't mean a word I said back there."

He smiled up at me and said, "I know that now. Maybe that's why...I feel okay talking to you."

"Does this mean you'll start speaking again?"

He pursed his lips together beside saying, "Only to you and Mokuba right now. I...I don't think I'm ready to talk to others yet." I nodded in understanding, making him smile again. I was sure there were more demons inside of him, keeping him from opening himself back up to the entire world, but that was fine. He was talking to me again, and that was all that mattered. I would help him through this, now knowing what was truly going on. "Now could you be so kind as to get off of me?" he suddenly asked, a smirk appearing on his face.

I grinned widely and said, "Uh-uh. I don't think so." And before he could protest, I pressed my lips against him and kissed him roughly, but not too roughly. He tensed up at first, as I had anticipated, before relaxing and kissing me back, slowly wrapping his arms around my neck. I continued kissing him until I felt his hands slowly fall down to the bed, his mouth no longer resisting mine. I backed away to see his eyes closed, a smile across his face and a completely tranquil expression across his face. He had fallen asleep. I chuckled and spread out on top of him, placing my head next to his and my legs outside his own, lightly kissing the side of his face. I felt his chest slowly rising and falling with each breath and closed my eyes, letting the sound of his breathing lull me to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

_S Chapter 24 – Dinner Plans S_

"_Did you go to another one of those concerts, boy? What did I tell you about them? They are just corrupting your mind, Seto, and you need to see that for yourself! What has music ever done for you? Ruined your hearing, obviously, as you never listen to me! What is the matter with you?!"_

I quickly shot up like a bullet and took in a large breath of air, forcing my body to calm down as I always did every time I woke up. Remembering earlier, I looked around in case I had awoken Joey up to find him gone. It was dark outside, indicating it was night, and the clock on the nightstand read 10:04. Did he leave to go home or his friend's house? Sighing, I placed my head in my hands, expecting to find tears rolling down my face, only to find none. I was honestly surprised.

Hearing the door open, I looked over to see Joey entering, a small smile on his face, and watched him walk around the bed and sit next to me. At least he didn't leave me. "Hey man," he said, placing his hand on top of mine. "How are you feeling?"

"A-Alright," I stuttered. "I'm fine." His smile widened slightly before he turned his attention to outside. I watched as he bit his bottom lip and leaned forward, the moon showing his facial features.

"Did you…have another nightmare?" he asked after a moment of silence. Smirking, I fell back onto the bed, feeling the air hit my revealed stomach, and sighed.

"Of course," I answered. "When _don't_ I have one?"

"Yeah…I guess." Frowning, I removed my hand from under his and gently grabbed his arm, making him turn around to face me. He looked sad, which disturbed me.

"What's wrong?" I asked. Had I said something in my sleep again?

"Well, I was thinking about doing something tonight with you," he explained, lying down next to me and staring up at the ceiling. "You know, going to a club or a movie. But there aren't any good movies out right now, and I know you really don't like the presence of alcohol. So I was trying to figure out something we could do besides playing video games, but I can't think of anything. And now that you're awake…I still haven't figured anything out."

I chuckled and smiled over at him. "_That's_ what's wrong? Joey, that's nothing to be upset over."

"I know, but I seriously wanted to do something with you."

"Why don't we go out to eat?" I asked, once again sitting up and looking down at him. "I'm starving for one thing, and I know how much you like to eat."

Joey blinked and slowly sat up. "I was thinking about that too, but I don't know what you like to eat. Usually when we hang out, we just order pizza or something."

"I'll take us to a fancy place, how about that?" I commented, now standing up and walking over to my closet. "You rarely go out to fancy restaurants, and you might actually like the food there."

Smirking and raising an eyebrow, Joey asked, "Me, in a fancy restaurant? Uh, Seto, won't I look a little out of place?"

"I can let you borrow some of my clothing if that bugs you. We're about the same height." And to prove this point, I quickly threw him a pair of black jeans and a white button-up shirt. He looked down in shock at it before chuckling.

"You can't laugh at me if this is what I'm wearing," Joey commented before going into the nearby bathroom. Good thing that I had a walk-in closet that I could change in. I went to change into my normal attire when I saw my reflection in the nearby mirror. My hair was still black from the party! I laughed at forgetting about it and decided to go a little incognito. If Joey was going to wear something different, why not I do the same? I took out a dark blue sleeveless top and my usual black leather pants with the black boots that matched. I then put on a blue necklace with a black orb in the center and, for some added fun, took out a pair of blue sunglasses. So what if it was ten at night? I was Seto Kaiba, and if I wanted to wear a pair of fucken sunglasses, I'd wear it.

I had to smile at my reflection; I didn't even recognize myself. It was funny how much had changed all in the course of a day. Two days ago I was rotting away and not speaking a word. I still wouldn't speak to anyone, but Joey…just his presence was enough to push me to do things I wouldn't normally do. I was now smiling at my reflection, which I hardly recognized, and going out to eat with my…boyfriend. It was strange…a good strange.

Leaning against the wall, I sighed and closed my eyes. I still had a lot to get through. These nightmares were still giving me hell, and talking to anyone other than Joey or Mokuba was out of the question. Speaking of which, where was that kid? Did he go to a friend's house again? I swear he was always out with friends. Then again, I would want that in him. I wouldn't like the idea of him just wasting his life away in this mansion like I had.

Checking myself one last time in the mirror, I walked out into my bedroom to find no Joey. I then walked over to my nightstand where my phone was and quickly checked it for any messages. Sure enough, there was a message left from Mokuba. I clicked on it and read the following:

_Dear Bro, went to Jay's house again tonight. I won't be back until tomorrow around noon. Have fun with Joey; I expect you two to enjoy each other's company while he's over!! Have F-U-N BRO! You need it. _

What a shock it was going to be when he came back, hearing me speak again. He would be so happy, and that's all I wanted. I wanted him to be happy, to enjoy life when I had not. He was such an influence on me, that kid. He looked out for me when I most needed it as I had years ago. I couldn't ask for a better brother.

"Holy shit…" I heard a sudden voice say and turned around to see Joey's eyes wide, his jaw hanging open, as he stared intently at me. I chuckled and turned around to completely face him. I had to admit that he looked amazing.

"Like what you see?" I asked, smirking widely at him. I didn't know whether the smirk was an actual smirk or smile, but I didn't care. His face was absolutely priceless.

Instead of saying anything, he opted to walking up to me and planting his lips on mine with a soft, quick kiss. "Absolutely love it," he answered, backing up slightly to look at me again.

"What, it's not that big of a deal, is it?" I asked, surprised at his reaction. I figured he would be a little shocked, but he was acting as if I was wearing a costume or something.

"It just looks…so good," he replied. "I could never picture you wearing something like this. And that hair color actually makes you look even better."

I chuckled and said, "Well, you don't look half-bad yourself."

"Really? I feel like I'm going to an interview or something."

"Joey, it's a fancy restaurant. You're supposed to dress up nicely when going to one."

"I know that! I'm just not used to it! Besides, will they even be open, wherever you're planning on going? It's kind of late."

"Oh, I know they're open. We sometimes hold dinners there after meetings that go late into the night. You'll like the food, I'm sure."

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me once again before staring intently into my eyes, making me want to melt. How was he capable of destroying my barriers like this? How?! "I know I'll like it," he stated. "I trust you, Seto."

I trust you, Seto. How that little phrase meant the absolute world to me at that moment.

* * *

_**Author's Note:**_

_**It's the end of the chapter, but I figured I would wait to ask this until the end. I'm thinking of writing another fanfiction, one that revolves around Seto/Tea. It would be where Tea has to do community service for school and decides to work at a nearby orphanage, the one Seto went to. She finds out a lot about Seto and what-not, but I don't want to spoil too much of it. Tell me what you think of this idea in messages that you WILL be sending me about this chapter (lol) :P Thanks in advance!**_


	25. Chapter 25

_J Chapter 25 – Phobia J_

We both walked into the large restaurant, and Seto quickly went up to the woman to order us a table. I was shocked at how fancy the place really was; I was glad Seto had the decency to give me something nice to wear. The jeans and t-shirt would _not_ have cut it here. It was a very nice, tranquil setting, with flowers and other landscape paintings hanging from the cream-colored walls. The flooring was brown tile, and several plants hung from the ceiling. I felt like I was in a rich person's air conditioned patio or something. It was nice anyways. I saw Seto turning to look at me, and I smiled and walked up to him as he followed the waitress towards our table. He looked so completely different in that outfit of his. I wondered if he often dressed incognito so that he could just enjoy a night without being the infamous Seto Kaiba. Fame and fortune are great sometimes, but it's not worth it when you just want a normal evening to go by.

Sitting down in the red booth, I smiled as the waitress handed us our two menus. She smirked down at us and asked, "What can I get you boys tonight for drink? We have a new special wine we just got in stock yesterday, and we're known for our sangria in case you've never been here before!"

I saw Seto exhale slowly and was glad he didn't have a panic attack. Instead, he mumbled that he wanted a shirley temple, whatever the hell that was. I figured I would be adventurous and asked for the same thing. The woman soon left us to find our food, and he raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you even know what a shirley temple is?" I grinned widely and shook my head no. He smiled at this and said, "It's sprite and cherry juice."

Shit, that sounded disgusting! Oh well…that's what I get for being adventurous. Looking through the menu, I frowned and realized I didn't even recognize half of the words. Maybe I should have studied up on 'fancy dining terms' before letting myself be invited to a place like this. I opted to looking at the pictures and found a platter that looked really good. I smirked, realizing it was flat iron steak, and figured it would do with a caeser salad. I glanced up from my menu to see Seto had already placed his menu down, his hands together in a ball on the table.

The waitress came back and set our drinks on the table before taking out a sheet of paper. "And what might I get you two tonight?"

"I want the lasagna with a side salad," Seto answered, sliding the menu to the edge of the table. I smirked at realizing how odd it must have been for him to order without this woman knowing that it was Seto Kaiba ordering, not some fucken stranger.

"And you, sir?" she asked, smiling down at me.

"I want the flat iron steak with a caeser salad," I replied, proud of myself for finding something in this menu. She took both of our menus, told us our salads would be out soon, and left us alone. I watched him sip the drink and decided to give it a try. "So how does it feel going out to eat just being some random guy?" I asked after sipping the drink. Surprisingly, it was rather good.

"I actually do it more often than I'll admit," he answered, folding his arms on the table. "I hate going out to eat as a celebrity. It drives me up a wall."

"Yeah, well…thanks for giving me this outfit."

"Wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable, now would I?" He smirked at me, though it came across as a smile, before sipping more of his drink.

"I'm glad you didn't freak out when she mentioned the alcohol too," I remarked without even thinking. Blinking at my sudden statement, I shot my head up to see him just eyeing me, obviously just as surprised as I was about bringing it up. Well, I needed to figure it out anyway. "Why is it that you freak out so badly when alcohol is brought up? I mean, I've known people who never wanted to drink, but you…seem scared of it."

"Is that a problem?" he asked coldly, his eyes slowly starting to form their signature glare.

"N-No," I replied a bit too quickly. "I'm just…curious as to why you are that way."

Seto sighed and lifted one of his arms, placing his head in his hand. "I figured you would ask eventually, especially the way I react to it," he commented, looking down at the table. "I…One night…Oh my God…" I saw him close his eyes and let out another sigh. This was obviously one of his worse moments, and I suddenly wanted to punch myself for bringing it up. Weren't we supposed to be having fun? What was I thinking?!

"No, I'm sorry. You don't have to—"

"No, if we're going to be together, I have to learn to be honest," he interrupted. "It's just…whatever. I have to tell you eventually, and it might as well be now." The waitress came back with our salads, and we both just stared in wonder at it. Food was now the last thing on both our minds, but we began eating it out of habit. After he took a bite of his salad, he placed the fork on the table and let out a third sigh.

"Gozaburo made me always go to company parties," he began to explain as I sipped my drink. I stared intently at him, and I wondered if his eyes were watering beneath those sexy sunglasses. "It didn't matter if they were at one in the afternoon or two in the morning; I had to attend. But after awhile, school began to affect my health. Well, that and his punishments, but school took up my entire day. I was so exhausted that I would do my homework and go to bed every night, and that was it. It was just too much for my body to handle after awhile."

"One night, during one of his parties, I began to get extremely tired. I couldn't show it, however, as it would mean another beating, but my body was taking over my mind. I couldn't control my yawning and lack of interest in their stupid conversations. So Gozaburo and all his friends began to think of ways to wake me up. He tossed some wine into my face, hoping it would wake me up, but all it did was sting my eyes. And then…he came over."

Seto looked up at me and pursed his lips together. "He was probably the cruelest man next to Gozaburo himself, that bastard of a butler. He would send me for beatings even if I didn't do anything. Were those two a pair or what? But anyways, he figured he had a good solution to my whole lack-of-sleep problem. He…he threw a glass of wine at me, glass and all. It cut the side of my face open, and the alcohol stung so badly that I know I began crying, even if I couldn't feel it. And they…his friends and associates…they all laughed at me! They were laughing and taunting me, as if I was some animal there for their own amusement! It…it infuriated me, how my pain was their pleasure." Swallowing, he said, "I promised myself to never become like that, ever. And ever since then, I never liked the presence of alcohol. It just…reminds me of that night."

By now I was just staring in wonder at Seto, my jaw hanging open in shock. That…how could somebody do that? If that didn't hurt him physically (which apparently it did), it destroyed him mentally. I watched him begin to eat his salad again, probably not wanting to talk about it anymore. I agreed and began to silently eat my salad when I heard the last thing I thought I would. I heard Seto chuckle. "You know," he said after taking another bite. "You're the only one I've ever told about that. Mokuba just thinks I have a random phobia of alcohol; he doesn't even know it happened."

I didn't know what to say. He hadn't even told Mokuba about what had happened? I was beginning to understand Seto's pain more and more. Not only was it tearing him apart, but he didn't open up to anybody about it. Nobody really truly understood what happened to him. He kept it inside himself, which was probably the reason it was eating away at him so badly. I smiled and said, "Well, thank you for telling me. It helps me put into perspective some things."

He nodded and smiled widely. "Yeah, it helps me too. I never believed in telling others my problem, but I trust you too. I know you listen to me, and it just feels…nice. I appreciate it, Joey, I really do." Taking a final bite of his salad, he shoved his plate away and said, "If you have any questions you want to ask me, just go ahead. I need to start getting this shit off my chest sooner or later, and I was never a later person."

I smiled and said, "How about another time? You've already revealed enough for one night, and I wanted this to be a fun night, not a depressing one. So let's talk about other things, alright?" He nodded his head in agreement, and soon our food came, and we discussed things like video games and movies and what-not the rest of the night. I don't think I ever saw a smile last on Seto's face for so long, and it made me happy knowing I was the cause of such an extraordinary event.


	26. Chapter 26

_**Author's Note: Sorry that the formatting for the song on here sucks so badly, but for some reason it won't let me put in breaks even if I go into the HTML. Can someone tell me why this is not working? Thanks in advance.**_

_S Chapter 26 – Another Chance S_

I grasped Joey's hand tighter as I flashed my ID card to the bouncer outside, and he moved to allow us entrance into the club. I didn't know what I was feeling; it was the same idea as when I had agreed to go to the party. Joey, after we had eaten, wanted to take me out somewhere to have a bit more fun, but all the arcades and movie theaters were closed at this time of night, leaving only the clubs. I had decided against my better will to go along despite the knowledge of present alcohol and drunken people. Joey wanted to try this one more time, and he said that if I freaked out at any time to just tell him, and we would leave. I had to admire him for trying so hard to change me…it seemed as if he was trying harder than I was.

As we entered the club, I could see a band playing up on stage and followed Joey to a table in the middle of the room. We both sat down in the wooden chairs, and a waitress came over to get us drinks. I refused to get anything, but Joey ordered a strawberry margarita. My eyes widened at that; I didn't know he drank as well. I sighed and closed my eyes, figuring this was going to be a long night.

The club we were in wasn't one of those techno rave clubs. It was just a small club, and I think the only reason they had a bouncer was to make it look good. The inside had wooden flooring and blue walls, and several streamers hung from the ceiling. The bar was on the left wall and took up the entire wall until the bathroom doors in the back. The stage was in front with blue and purple lights shining on the band, which sounded like a mixture of rock and rap, and then tables were set up throughout the rest of the room. At least he knew not to go to one of those party clubs. _That_ would not have been good for me.

I watched the waitress set his glass down, and he smiled before looking up at me. "I'll only have one, I promise," he stated before taking a sip of the drink. I tried to smile but failed and decided to listen to the band instead. God, did they suck. Well, that ruined that idea. "I don't suppose you want to try any of this?" he asked, smiling sadly up at me. I quickly shook my head no, and he nodded his head in understanding before taking another sip. "So tell me, when did the great Seto Kaiba learn how to sing?"

I was taken aback at the question but chuckled nonetheless. "I always wanted to be a singer," I answered. "Ever since I was little. It was only until Gozaburo adopted me that I planned on having a band of my own. I even had a name picked out and everything. But once I was adopted, that plan went to shit."

"You had your dream picked out for you…" he observed, and I nodded my head. "That's so sad…"

"I got used to the idea," I remarked, shaking my head slightly. "I'm the CEO of KaibaCorp now. I've gotten used to the idea that my dream will never be fulfilled. I understand that, and I understand the consequences of that. But this is my life now, and I can't change that no matter how hard I try or how badly I want to."

"But you can't just drop your dream, Seto," he argued, setting his cup down onto the table. I hadn't even noticed he picked it up. "No matter how hard you try, you'll always remember what you wanted to be, especially if you thought about it that much. Besides, you sing really well. I'm sure you could go far. And what about Mokuba? Doesn't he want to take over KaibaCorp once he's out of school? You could form a band then, couldn't you?"

Though his words made sense, I slowly shook my head no once more. I didn't have the friends to make a band like I did at the orphanage. Besides, who would want to make a band with me as the singer? I'm known as a ruthless businessman around the entire world, not some pop star. It was simply out of the question.

I heard several people clapping and noticed the previous band walking off-stage before a tall man, presumably the manager, walked up and smiled. "Let's give them another round of applause for their performance, people," he said in a deep voice, and the several people that clapped before clapped again, though this time it was less enthusiastic. "Okay then, we have about a half hour of karaoke set up here before our next band comes on. If anybody would like to have a go at it, please step forward now or forever listen to the music we play for you."

"Oh, this guy wants to sing!" I heard a familiar voice proclaim. I sent one of my most evil glares in Joey's direction; he was NOT pulling this shit again! I growled at him, reminding him that I could still kill him, but he just smiled his geeky smile and looked up at the man. "This guy sings really well, but he won't admit it. Can you all be the judge of that?"

The people in the audience all smiled and nodded their heads, and I groaned before slowly standing up. It infuriated me that Joey was doing this. Didn't he know what he was doing? This was going to end in absolute embarrassment for my part. Did he really enjoy just fucking with me? Well, one thing was for sure. He was definitely pulling this shit again, and he would pay for it tonight.

I slowly walked up to the center stage and could feel the lights shining on me as several people clapped for my attempt. The man asked what song I wanted to sing, and I pondered it over. I had to make it worthwhile, but I wasn't doing another love song. Besides, if this crowd liked that previous band, I could get away with doing something a bit heavier than that techno song. Smiling, I whispered into his ear, "You have any AFI?"

"AFI? You don't look like that the type that's into them. Sure, I got them. What do you want?"

""This Time Imperfect,"" I stated. He smiled and walked off the stage, and I sat down on the wooden stool and grabbed the microphone. Joey was definitely going to pay for this. I soon heard the music begin to play and smiled slightly, opening my mouth to begin singing the song.

_I cannot leave here, I cannot stay._

_Forever haunted, more than afraid. _

_Asphyxiate on words I would say._

_I'm drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue._

_There are no flowers, no, not this time._

_There will be no angels gracing the lines,_

_Just these stark words I find._

_I'd show a smile but I'm too weak. _

_I'd share with you, could I only speak_

_Just how much this hurts me._

_I cannot stay here, I cannot leave._

_Just like all I loved, I'm make-believe._

_Imagined heart, I disappear._

_Seems no one will appear and make me real._

_There are no flowers, no, not this time._

_There will be no angels gracing the lines,_

_Just these stark words I find._

_I'd show a smile but I'm too weak._

_I'd share with you, could I only speak_

_Just how much this hurts me._

_I'd tell you how it haunts me. _

_Cuts through my day and sinks into my dreams._

_You don't care that it haunts me…_

_There are no flowers, no, not this time._

_There will be no angels gracing the lines,_

_Just these stark words I find. _

_I'd show a smile but I'm too weak._

_I'd share with you, could I only speak,_

_Just how much this hurts me…just how much this hurts me…just how much you…_

Sighing as the song ended, I placed the microphone onto the stand and looked out into the audience. To my absolute shock, everyone began applauding, and some even stood up and cheered. Was it really that good? They couldn't _all_ be lying, could they? But…was it…good?

I walked back off-stage to see the manager smiling widely at me. I couldn't believe what had just happened. Did everyone really like my singing? Was Gozaburo…was he wrong? Was my voice really beautiful, like Joey constantly told me it was? I walked back to the table and sat down to see Joey smiling widely at me. "See, it wasn't that hard, was it?" he asked as the noise began to die down. "And look, everyone liked it."

I smiled and blushed slightly as I looked around the room. So they did all like it… At least they didn't know who sang it. I'm sure that it would be all over the papers by tomorrow morning (or was it this morning?) if word got out that I sang a song in a club. Reality began to set in again, and I frowned. No, I couldn't enjoy it this much. I was the CEO, I was the CEO…I wanted to be a singer.

"Joey, can we please leave?" I asked. My stomach began to hurt, and I had a feeling it was caused mentally, but I didn't care. I suddenly just wanted to leave, to forget this feeling.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I just…I want to leave. Now." He frowned but nonetheless called the waitress over and quickly paid for his drink, which he had long finished. The two of us quickly stood up and walked out, and I heard several people yell at me for singing so well and to come back again. No, I wouldn't come back. Ever.


	27. Chapter 27

_**Author's Note: I just wanted to thank you guys again for all the comments I've gotten. I'll try to post that Tea/Seto fic up sometime soon, but I can't guarantee anything. I didn't think many people would like the idea, so I'll be writing up a storyline for awhile, especially since I'm typing up my own personal story. So I'm sorry if it takes awhile to come out.**_

_S Chapter 27 – Afraid of Happiness S_

I ran up the staircase and into my room, slamming the door shut before running into my bathroom and falling down on my knees. I felt sick, dizzy, and my head hurt like hell, but none of that mattered. I wanted to curl up in a ball and just die. The feeling that I had left the club with had followed and increased during our walk home until I felt like I would burst. Why did I even sing in the first place?! Everything I ever did for myself ended up hurting myself or others. Why do I even bother…?

I heard Joey run up to the door and open it, and the look on his face made me hang my head in shame. He probably thought I was nuts at this point, but I didn't care. And that's when I felt it. Tears flowing down my face. I began to sob at my own stupidity and quickly turned away from Joey, who was just staring at me like something put on display. Grabbing my sunglasses, I threw them across the room and closed my eyes, hearing them break in the distance.

"Seto…please stop," he pleaded after awhile, but I couldn't. He didn't think I wanted to be shaking and crying on my bathroom floor _yet again_, did he? I heard him take a few steps forward but wrapped my arms around my waist and hung my head to avoid eye contact with him. I didn't want to look at him…I didn't want him to see me like this, so broken and lost. But why was I feeling this way? Why was I literally breaking down now?

"Seto, you're going to make yourself sick," Joey stated, this time his voice a bit sterner. I could also tell it was much closer, and soon I felt two hands grab onto my shoulders. "Seto, you need to calm down, okay? Please, just relax and calm down. What's the matter?"

I glared up in utter hatred at him. "What's the matter?!" I repeated, my lips quivering…scratch that, my entire body shaking….as I yelled at him. "You made me sing in front of that damn crowd, that's what's the matter! I knew I shouldn't have gone out to a stupid club, but I did, and now I'm dealing with the consequences! I never wanted to sing, goddammit! I shouldn't have done it, even with all that fucking peer pressure! But I did, and this is now how I'm feeling about it! So don't you dare fucken ask me what's the matter, okay?!"

Panting, I saw shock and fear in Joey's face and hung my head once more, choking on my own sobs. I should never have gotten close to him. I knew no good would come out of it. Now I was yelling at him for my behavior. No, this couldn't be happening.

I gasped as I felt him wrap his arms around me and hold me, my head pressed against his chest. I decided to apologize for my outburst by sitting in his lap and closing my eyes, crying into his shirt. "I'm so sorry," I whispered. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm sorry."

"I know you are," he replied as he began to play with my hair. "I know you didn't mean it. It's okay, Seto. If you feel the need to get this off your chest, go ahead. I'm here for you, okay?"

I slowly nodded my head and continued to cry even though my sobs had ceased. But why was I behaving like this? What had come over me in that club to make me do this, to force me into his lap crying my eyes out? I decided to just let myself cry, to give into this feeling, whatever it was, and immediately felt myself beginning to calm down.

It seemed as though several moments passed, but I couldn't be sure. Joey was still stroking my hair, and I finally got the courage to glance up at him. He was smiling down at me, though his eyes looked watery. "Why…why are you smiling?" I asked after I gained the strength to speak.

"Because I think I just learned something very important about you," he answered, and my eyes widened as I saw a single tear roll down his face. I immediately moved my hand to wipe it off, and his smile widened. "Yes, I have learned something about you that is very useful to know."

"And what's that?" I asked, searching his face for the answer. "That I'm really just a failure, that I hate myself and just want to--"

"No!" he exclaimed, glaring down at me and making me silent. "None of that! You aren't a failure, Seto, and you shouldn't hate yourself! I already told you that I wasn't going to allow you to think about yourself that way! No…I learned something else."

"What is it?"

"You're afraid to be happy." I blinked in shock at his statement. How could one be afraid to be happy? Looking straight ahead at the wall, I let the words slowly sink in. "You wanted to leave because by you singing, you brought back memories, Seto," Joey explained. "Memories that are happy ones. And that, in turn, brought out happy feelings. That is why I believe you just yelled at me. You don't want to face that happiness or things that brought you happiness in your past, and I made you. I wanted to show you that you are a good singer, and you were afraid of that truth. Now that you faced it, you want to go back to your old self, yet you don't. You're confused, which is why you're now in this position." Moving a strand of hair out of my face, he concluded with, "Seto, you're afraid to be happy, to remember happiness."

I just stared ahead, not really seeing the wall, thinking about what he was saying. It made sense, now that I thought about it. Maybe that's why I pushed everyone away. Maybe that's why I didn't like doing things with others my age. Maybe that's why…I was afraid to get close to Joey. He would bring me happiness. All these things would make me a happier person. And maybe…just maybe…it was the reason I had become silent. It would block me off from the rest of the world, a world that had brought me both pain and joy, albeit more the former than the latter. "How can you read me like that?" I asked.

"Because I love you, Seto," he answered. "And lovers can always read each other. You can read my thoughts and feelings sometimes, can't you?" Feeling him pull me closer, I wiped my tears away and let out a sigh. My body had stopped shaking, and I could feel myself becoming tired from my episode. "It's okay, Seto," he whispered. "I'll make sure you become a happier person. You need to break this fear, Seto, and I promise I'll help you do it. You just have to trust me, alright?"

Trust him? Didn't he understand how much I trusted him, loved him? Looking up at him, I smiled and said, "Of course I trust you. It's the reason I went up on that stage in the first place."

He chuckled and went to stand up, giving me the cue to move. I quickly stood up and wiped my face off when I felt a hand move my own off my face. I looked over to see Joey smiling widely at me before reaching out to embrace me. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, never wanting to let go. I felt him kiss my cheek and smiled, knowing that there was probably now a blush on my face. "Come on, you're tired," he stated after a moment of silence lasted between us. He let go of me, and I reluctantly released him and watched him enter the bedroom. Sighing, I followed him inside and laid down on the bed, closing my eyes and feeling him lay down next to me. I curled up next to him and whispered, "Please don't leave me tonight. I…I don't want to be alone when I wake up."

He seemed to understand, for he wrapped an arm around me and kissed my forehead. "Don't worry, Seto. You won't." Satisfied with this, I smiled and fell asleep.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Author's Note: Okay, the song Joey reads in this chapter is "Purity" by Slipknot. I've been wanting to put this song into the story for awhile, and I think it will work here. Give all credit to the band who invented it (Slipknot!), for I do not own it, and neither does Seto!**_

_J Chapter 28 – The Plan J_

I slowly opened my eyes to see sunlight shining into the room. I yawned and stretched out, surprised at how well I slept. Well, compared to my bed at home (which I probably wasn't going to go back to…not that my dad would care), Seto's bed was like heaven. Speaking of which…

Feeling around the bed, my eyes widened at the fact that Seto wasn't here. I quickly sat up and looked around to see absolutely no sign of Seto save for a small sticky note on his pillow. I picked it up and read it aloud to myself:

_Joey, just wanted to let you know I went to work. Don't wait up for me tonight; I have a lot of work that needs to get done since I've been absent for so long. You know where the food and stuff is; if you need to pack a lunch for work, that's fine. Love you._

_-Seto_

The fact that he had thought to write out 'Love you' made my heart want to pop out of my chest. This relationship was really working out after all. It wasn't like we weren't having any hardships, far from it, but it was working out through and through. It made me realize that I wasn't just putting myself out there for myself; Seto was really appreciating me being his boyfriend, and that just made everything even more worthwhile.

I slid out of bed and glanced over at the digital clock to see it read 9:07. I had about an hour and a half before I had to be at work. What was there to do in the miraculously-large mansion? Only probably everything, though I didn't really feel like meandering around his house for an hour and a half. Looking around the room for something to do, all I saw was his personal computer, a couple of bookshelves, and his night stand. For such a rich guy, he didn't have much for his personal bedroom.

Figuring he wouldn't want me going through his laptop, I decided to look through his bookshelf and see what he enjoyed reading. It wouldn't do any harm, and I truly didn't know what he liked to read. I always saw him reading when we went to school, and I'm sure he still did from time to time, but I never saw what particular books he read. Of course, that was when we were still fighting, so I wasn't interested in his reading at the time. God, how funny it is the way things work out. We hated each other, and now he's writing 'Love you' at the end of his messages to me. How ironic.

I walked over to the large bookshelf and began scanning the spines on the books. To my surprise, they were mostly fantasy and horror novels, a few business-related books here and there. Taking one out, the cover read Dark Delicacies (A/N: This is a real book of gothic short stories. I do not own it). I flipped through it and thought it looked kind of cool, so I tossed it onto the bed and figured I would read it later. I chuckled and decided to start my own pile of "eventual-books-I'll-probably-never-read," for I knew Seto would at least like the fact that my interest in reading was increasing. It was true; I actually was starting to enjoy reading! Whodathunk?

After scanning a couple more books, I thought my search was over when I saw a book without any label on the spine. Curiosity killed the cat, as they say, and I pulled the book out to see a simple, purple cover on the front. After all, it may have killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back. No title, no author, no nothing. I didn't even think much about it, realizing the title could be on the inside of the book, and I opened it up to see a person's handwriting inside of it. A title was on the top of the page along with the date, and lines of what looked like poetry followed it. I blinked in surprise, now understanding what I had pulled out. This must have been Seto's.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, I noticed the date to be from several years ago, probably when he was still under Gozaburo's influences. "_I guess he was really serious about becoming a singer even after he was adopted,_" I thought, skimming over the lyrics. "_Shit, these are raw! He really poured his heart into these things…He said Gozaburo found one of his books. Was this one of the books he didn't get his hands on?_" I went through a couple of pages before my eyes landed on a particular title, "Purity." Shrugging, I began to read the song.

_Maze…psychopathic daze…I create this waste_

_Back away from tangents, on the verge of drastic ways…_

_Can't escape this place…I deny your face_

_Sweat gets in my eyes, I think I'm slowly dying_

_Put me in a homemade cellar._

_Put me in a hole for shelter._

_Someone hear me please, all I see is hate_

_I can hardly breathe, and I can hardly take it_

_HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING, I CAN'T GET OUT!_

_HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING, I GET—_

_Lost…ran at my own cost…hearing laughter, scoffed_

_Learning from the rush, detached from such and such_

_Bleak…all around me, weak…listening, incomplete_

_I am not a dog, but I'm the one you're dogging._

_I am in a buried kennel._

_I have never felt so final._

_Someone find me, please, losing all reserve_

_I am fucking gone, I think I'm fucking dying._

_HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING, I CAN'T GET OUT!_

_HANDS ON MY FACE OVERBEARING, I GET—_

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something in you I despise._

_Cut me! – Show me! – Enter! – I am_

_Willing and able and never any danger to myself._

_Knowledge in my pain, knowledge in my pain._

_Or was my tolerance a phase?_

_Empathy, out of my way._

_I can't die. I can't die. I can't die. I can't die._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something inside me._

_You all stare, but you'll never see there's something in you I despise._

All I could do was stare at the words on the page, feeling every emotion he wrote these lyrics with flowing through my body. He's always been fighting for happiness, and up until now, it seemed like a worthless fight. For being only a teenager, he really knew how to present his emotions on paper. It was so inspiring, yet so horrifying at the same time. The fact that these were his thoughts when he was in his early teens wasn't a pleasant thought.

I set the book down beside me and stared at the floor, wondering what to do. I suddenly had the urge to do something, _anything_, that would help him out. "_He wrote those songs in order to voice his thoughts and feelings,_" I thought as I slowly pushed myself off the bed. "_He wrote them because that's what he was feeling at the time. All the pain, all the confusion…the feeling of being so lost…he could put that down into words, and his step-father even tried to destroy that!_" My hands curled into fists, and I felt like punching the bed or something just to get my frustration out when a thought popped into my head.

"_He wrote these as a way to release his emotions…would that approach still work with him?_" I turned and looked down at the book before reaching out and picking it back up. "_I wonder if he's still as good of a lyricist as he was back then. If I got him to start writing songs again, maybe it would help him to cope with these challenges he's being forced to face. It would be like a sort of therapy for him._" I smiled and placed the book back in its position on the bookshelf before deciding it was time to take a shower and get ready for work.


	29. Chapter 29

_S Chapter 29 – Saved Innocence S_

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Oh, come on. Just one?"

"I said no."

"You can't write one single—"

"That's enough, Joey!" I shouted, spinning around on my heel to face him. The moment I walked into the house he had pounced on me, and he had followed me all the way upstairs and to the entrance of my bedroom, which we were now standing in front of. "I'm not going to write a song for you!"

"But Seto, I really think it will help you out!" he protested, clasping his hands together and smiling up at me. "Just write one song, okay? For me?"

"For the last time, Joey, that part of my life is gone," I answered firmly, crossing my arms over my chest and blocking the closed doorway into my room. "I'm not going to become a singer, Joey, and nothing you say or do is going to change that. I'm the CEO of KaibaCorp, not a pop star. So stop trying to change me into one, alright?!"

Joey just stared at me in confusion, and I sighed and wrapped my arms around him, somehow feeling it was the right thing to do. "Listen, it's not your fault my life is like this. I understand that you're just trying to help me out, but I don't think that's the way to go about it. I appreciate you caring for me, but I just…I don't want to do that."

I felt him place his hands on my shoulders and push me back slightly, and I saw a small, sad smile on his face. "Just one?" he asked.

Before I could reply negatively for the hundredth time, we both turned our heads at a familiar voice asking, "What's going on, you two?" Mokuba was rubbing his eyes open, showing that we had probably woken him up. Now that I thought about it, we probably were rather loud. I had started talking to Mokuba again, and he was extremely pleased at how my relationship with Joey was changing me. I could tell he enjoyed speaking to me once more, and it made me realize what I had truly thrown away. No wonder he had yelled at me the way he did… I don't know where I would be without that kid, sometimes.

"I'm trying to get Seto to write a song for me, but he's refusing to do so," Joey answered, smiling down at the kid. Spinning my head to face him, I sent him my signature glare. No. He. Didn't.

"Write a song?" Mokuba asked, looking up in confusion at the two of us. "Why would Seto write you a song?" Joey's jaw dropped at this, and I sighed and rolled my eyes before grabbing his arm.

"I don't know why I would," I answered before opening the door with my other hand and shoving Joey into my room. "Now we're going to go to bed, so I'm sorry that we woke you up."

Mokuba smirked and waved goodnight to me before walking back down the hallway. Shutting the door quietly, I turned to see Joey staring wide-eyed at me. "He doesn't—"

"Know, and he never will," I interrupted, my voice icy. "I never wanted him to know about my plans to form a band, and he will never know about it as long as you keep your damn mouth shut!"

"Why doesn't he know?" Joey asked as he slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, just staring in shock at me. "I would think that Mokuba would be the first person to know about your talent at singing."

"Joey, think about my style of music," I explained. "Yes, he's into that kind of music as well, but the lyrics I wrote back then were very personal and raw. They described…a lot of feelings and emotions I felt back then. When Gozaburo adopted me, Joey, I knew that I had thrown away my dream. But that was okay; I could still write my lyrics. Besides, the torture I endured there inspired me to write a lot of songs. But imagine…imagine Mokuba reading about his older brother's feelings towards life, death, family…all things I wanted to be important to him, I was ridiculing. Everything I wanted him to be, I knew I wasn't. Telling Mokuba about my singing talent would have opened Mokuba up to the real world, a world I didn't want him to face at his age."

"But if you had told him about your songs, wouldn't he have supported you?"

"I'm sure he would have. In fact, I know he would have. I just…couldn't let him lose what I had lost." I shook my head as the memories began to come back, memories I didn't want to think about right now. "Imagine Serenity realizing that every day of your life, you wished you were dead. Imagine her reading your thoughts about committing suicide and being tortured and having no faith…imagine her reaction to that. It would shatter her world, wouldn't it?" I saw Joey nod his head slightly, indicating he was still listening to me. "I didn't want that out of Mokuba. He was still young, still…innocent. I didn't want to taint his image of the world yet. I couldn't do that to him. So I just hid everything. My lyrics, my dreams…Mokuba never knew that I wanted to be a singer, and once I knew that dream was gone, I figured it would be best if he just never knew about it at all."

I sighed and walked over to the bed, feeling Joey's eyes on me. I wondered what he was thinking about right now but didn't bother asking. Instead, I lied down next to him and closed my eyes, just wanting to fall asleep. It was a little past midnight after all, and I had just gotten home from work. This wasn't the best time during my day to be spilling out my past and emotions, my two touchiest subjects. Besides, was it so wrong of me, what I did? Hiding my true dream from Mokuba, I allowed him to continue dreaming his. Was that really so bad?

After several minutes passed, I felt the bed shift slightly and watched Joey lay down next to me, smiling over at me. "I want you to write me a song," he stated.

"I said no." At least he was changing the subject.

"No, I want you to write it," he repeated. "I…I was wrong. I wanted to change you, you're correct. But if you don't want Mokuba knowing about it, I guess that's impossible."

"What were you trying to accomplish, Joey?"

"I wanted…I wanted to somehow get you to start singing again. I figured having you write a song would inspire you to write more, which would then inspire you to sing again." Frowning, he shook his head and said, "Guess I was just fooling myself."

I blinked and cupped his cheek, smiling back at him. "I appreciate it, Joey, but you're right. I don't want Mokuba knowing how I really was back then. He wouldn't…I don't think he could handle that. However…" Smirking, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his, and he quickly opened his mouth to allow me passage. I allowed his tongue to contact mine before plunging mine into his mouth, immediately winning the battle of dominance. He moaned at my entry and tried to crawl on top of me, but I pinned him down and continued kissing him for several minutes before backing away for some air. "Maybe I could write a song just for you," I whispered seductively, wanting a reaction out of him. I got what I wanted, for he smirked and kissed me back.

"Just for me?" he asked, seduction in his voice as well.

"Just for you," I stated before going back to kissing him. I was tired, but maybe I could stay up a bit later…just for Joey.


	30. Chapter 30

_S Chapter 30 – And So I Begin Anew S_

I turned the shower off and felt the cold air hit my naked body as I wrapped myself up in a towel. Water was starting to drip onto the floor, and I quickly went to drying myself off. Once I was satisfied, I put on my briefs and black leather pants, preparing to go to work. I looked into the new mirror I had bought and smiled slightly at my reflection.

Even if my body was covered in scars…Joey had still loved me. He told me repeatedly last night how beautiful I really was, even if I was Seto Kaiba, the coldest person on the planet. No, that's not true. Gozaburo made me that way. I'm not really like that, and it took somebody like Joey Wheeler for me to figure that out. I shivered at the memory of last night and felt a slight blush creeping up on my face but quickly dismissed it. No, I shouldn't be embarrassed. I should be happy…I was happy. Glancing back at the mirror, I knew there was something off on my reflection. That was it; I was happy.

I finished changing into my white trenchcoat attire and walked back into the bedroom to see Joey sleeping soundly, his bare chest rising and falling with his breathing. Maybe I should really write a song for him…just something special as a thank you. I never felt like this before…it was so strange. I was waking up, happy to be alive for once. Was this actually living? Was I not just waking up anymore because of a schedule I had to follow, but because I wanted to wake up? I wanted to see Joey smiling at me, telling me he loved me… God, I sounded so stupid. But if stupid sounded right, then I would gladly plead guilty, as this definitely felt right.

Turning on my heel, I went to leave when I heard him stir in his sleep. I turned back to see him rolling around slightly only to open his lovely, brown eyes. I walked over to the bed and crawled over to him, smiling down at him. "Morning," I greeted, my voice barely above a whisper. He smiled back up at me and stretched out.

"Good morning," he replied. "Why are you already dressed?"

"I have to go to work, remember?"

"Oh…right." I chuckled and planted a light kiss on his lips before he asked, "Have you written my song yet?"

I smirked and shook my head no. "Not yet, but I'll be thinking about it later today, alright?"

"That's good. I think it will do you some good." I nodded my head and kissed him one last time before I began to crawl off the bed. I stopped, however, when I felt sudden pressure around my arm. Turning around, I frowned at Joey's grip.

"What's the matter?" I asked, watching him sit up to look at me.

"Just tell me something," he said. "Did you…have a nightmare again?" I sighed and nodded my head. "I…I see."

"Wait a minute…" I frowned at this and pulled my arm out of his grip. "Don't tell me last night was just an experiment to see whether or not it would get rid of my nightmares."

"No!" he shouted, his eyes wide in shock at me. "I would never do that to you, Seto! I just…I was just curious, is all."

I smiled again and lifted his head up with my finger. "I'm sorry, you just know how I am about people. I know you wouldn't do that to me. But yes, I did have a nightmare again. I'll always have nightmares, Joey, and nothing we can do will change that. You can't erase the past, and neither can I, else I would have done so long ago. Though that doesn't mean you didn't change me last night…"

"What does that mean?" Joey asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. I let my finger trace a circle on his cheek before letting my hand fall beside him.

"It means that, even though I woke up from a nightmare, I was okay," I explained. "Whenever I wake up from nightmares…you know how it is. I'm either crying, screaming, or doing both. Either way, I'm in a lot of pain, and I never want to go back to sleep. Sometimes I just wish I died when I woke up so that I would never have to go through it again. But…this morning…" I sighed, realizing how I was not used to expressing my emotions like this at all. "This morning, I woke up and was happy to do so. Even if I just had a nightmare, I woke up and didn't want to die. I didn't want to never go back to sleep. I woke up…feeling alright."

"You woke up feeling happy," Joey stated. I nodded my head and saw a large smile appear on his face. He wrapped his arms around me, and I returned the embrace. "This is proof that you can change, Seto," he whispered into my ear. "This is proof that you can be happier. I knew you could do it. This is new for you, Seto, but I want you to promise me that you'll keep pushing forward."

I nodded my head and smiled, just enjoying our time right now. He was right. This was the moment in my life that could change me if I took advantage of it. I needed to do just that. I needed to be happier… I had always felt happiness was for the weak, but now I see that it isn't. It's something I need just like everyone else.

"Joey…thank you…for everything," I whispered.

"That's what lovers do, Seto," he replied, chuckling at my thanks. "And after last night…damn, we are lovers!"

I laughed at his comment and pulled back, seeing a blush on his face. Kissing him on the cheek, I playfully punched his arm and crawled off the bed. "Well, I have to go to work now. If you call me, I'll probably answer in a bad mood at first. I can't ruin my reputation as a ruthless businessman; others might take advantage of that."

Joey nodded his head in understanding and smiled. "Give them hell."

"Sure thing," I replied before walking out of my bedroom. Lovers…that was an idea that would take some time to get used to. Still, Joey told me to keep pressing forward, and I would do just that.

* * *

_6 months later_

It was night. The moon was up high in the sky, and stars were scattered all over the place. I closed my eyes and smiled, just relaxing and letting the night consume me. It had been such a long day: three meetings and twelve reports all in the matter of a day. It was nearly one in the morning, and I was exhausted to say the least.

Hearing the door open, I smirked and waited until I heard the footsteps get closer before asking, "What are you doing up this late, Joey?"

"Oh, nothing," he replied slyly, and I felt him come crashing down in my lap. I chuckled and sat up so that he could lean against me.

"My ass," I remarked. "What are you doing?"

"Like I said, nothing," he stated. I opened my eyes to see him smiling widely up at me. I sighed and closed my eyes once more, leaning back into the recliner I had set out here, when I felt him kiss my jaw lightly.

"Yeah, nothing…" I mocked, though I couldn't keep the smile off my face. "No, really, what _are_ you doing?"

"Well…it's been six months now since we started being lovers…and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something tomorrow…you know, to celebrate."

I blinked; it had already been six months? Wow…I guess it had been. "I guess we could," I answered, frowning at the thought of what exactly we would do. The entire world knew we were going out at this point, as tabloids seemed to have no life whatsoever, so we rarely went out to do anything special unless we really felt the need to.

He chuckled and stared in awe up at me. "You've changed so much, Seto. I can tell. See, I was right all along. You _could_ change, and now that you have, we should do something special. Just to celebrate my victory over you." I laughed at this.

"And what do you have in mind?" I asked, letting his words sink in. It was true; I had changed drastically, which was why it was so hard to believe that only six months had passed. I wouldn't say I smiled more often, but I smiled around the house. I wrote Joey songs whenever time permitted since he still loved listening to me sing. Even though I was still a cold bastard at work, I now had a family to return home to. Mokuba, Joey, and myself…that was my family…and it was perfectly fine with me.

"Well…whatever you want to do is fine, really," he answered. "I was thinking we could go to a bar again and see what the audience thinks of your singing talent. You know, just to give it another try."

I thought about it for a moment before nodding my head. It would be a good test to see how much I had really changed. He smiled widely at my answer and began to kiss me on the lips. I kissed him back, and he smirked and positioned himself so that he was straddling me. "As for tonight…" he whispered once he backed away. "I think you know what I want."

"The puppy always has to beg his master," I commented, smiling as he rolled his eyes at me.

"Do I really have to beg for you to do whatever you want to me?" he asked seductively, making a shiver go down my spine.

"Just for that, I will do whatever I want to you," I threatened, smirking at him.

"Oh, I'm so scared."

"You should be." In one, swift movement, I picked him up bridal style and stood up. "This is what you get for making me happier."

"A night of all-out sex? I think I can deal with it."

Smiling down, I nodded my head. "Yes, I'm sure you will."

* * *

_**Author's Note: The END!! Wooot! I finally finished one of my fanfictions! As you can tell, I'm kinda bad at doing that. Sorry it had to end in such a sappy way, but I think that's the only way one can end a fanfiction like this. I hope you all liked it, and I want to thank each and every one of you who supported me. Your comments and messages really pushed me to finish this story, so thank you for all your support! **_


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